


Have You Come Here To Get Hurt?

by plutoalwayspluto



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: A Study of the Clark and Lex Relationship, Aiming for a happy ending, Ambiguous Lex Luthor, F/F, Heavy Angst, Main - SuperCorp, side sanvers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-03
Updated: 2017-05-21
Packaged: 2018-09-14 10:58:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 34,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9178585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/plutoalwayspluto/pseuds/plutoalwayspluto
Summary: When Lena is 13yo, her father's limo breaks down in Midvale and she meets Kara. And despite Lena using an alias at the time they became friends, communicating through letters until the whole Lex vs. Superman fiasco happens. Now they meet again, when Lena arrives in National City trying to restore the Luthor name and to visit Lex in his underground prison.Kara has largely forgotten about the precocious girl from so long ago, but Lena never has.ORThe one where Lena loves Kara, but hates Supergirl. The problem is — that she’s always known that they were one and the same.





	1. Midvale

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys, this fic is going to be a lot darker than my other one and probably more complex. I've changed the timeline of when Superman came out to the world. And my version of Lex is also different. Things will become clearer after the second chapter.
> 
> I don't want to give too much away but hopefully everything works out and if you're still confused by the end of it just ask!
> 
> Have fun with it.

When Lena is thirteen, it’s the start of an avalanche. _She just doesn’t know it yet._

—

Earlier in the year, she’s travelling home with her father from a series of business trips.

Midvale is small town six hours out from Metropolis. With flourishing crops and blue skies, Lena supposes that it would be considered idyllic if it wasn’t for the smoke coming from the car’s bonnet. Her father’s disgruntled tone rings clear. And after several conversations with his secretary, Lionel Luthor is finally resigned. He grunts, setting up his laptop for a conference call. It isn’t ideal, but it would have to do. After all, unfortunate luck is hardly an excuse for laziness. 

Lena is waved away; to be left to her own devices until called upon. And it’s alright — because _Lena prefers Joseph anyway_. 

Joseph — is a ex-army ranger and perhaps the person on the Luthor payroll that doesn’t seem as if he’s plotting their murders. And despite being impassive, he’s a little more generous about her freedom than most; _intentionally vague_ about her going ons in his reports. Lena finds herself smiling at the imposing man, before scanning her surroundings.

A birthday is set up a short walk way in the meadow.

With balloons, streamers and an inflated waterslide, it seems like the whole town might be there. There’s laughter as two figures tackle each other to the ground and their friends open fire with water pistols. And, Lena turns her nose up in disdain. She almost returns to the car when she catches a flash of blonde in between the tall blades of grass on the side of the road. The skin under her collar itches and she thinks about the allergy medication so carelessly left behind in Metropolis. Lex would would surely tease if she returned in patches of red. 

But in the end, curiosity wins out and she finds herself making her way into green mess. 

“May I sit?”

The blonde, as it turns out is the soft strands of a young girl approximately her own age, _and not_ the golden retriever that she had subconsciously been hoping for. But, Lena settles down anyway. She figures that one possibly annoying person is still an improvement from a dozen and meets a set of curious blue eyes. And oh, that shade is unexpected. _Pretty…_

“So, do I want to know why you’re way out here, all alone and out of sight from the party?”

There’s a pause as the girl tilts her head. And surprisingly, Lena straightens under the inspection. She’s not sure why she cares. A dejected look crosses those delicate features, and the girl looks away. Wrapping her arms around tucked legs, the girl pulls at the loose thread of her pants and her words come out muffled through the fabrics.

“People do not feel comfortable around me. The other children think that I am strange, and that I do not know how to be _normal_.”

With vocabulary and syntax far too rigid for her years, the blonde looks up in a fragile trust. Frowning, Lena takes in the picture. They are two children hiding away, because their pressed shirts fastened to the very top button, _didn’t yet compare_ to the commonality muddied t-shirts and ripped jeans. Intellect paints a target on their backs. And in the end, they’re not so dissimilar.

“Greatness does not exist in mediocrity.”

The words spill from her lips. Lena wonders if the pollen has some sort of truth-telling properties because she’s giving away parts of herself that she doesn’t intend. Communicating, caring and _connecting_ — has never been so easy before.

“Who said that?”

Hope floods the girl’s expression, and although she hasn’t had many experiences in it; Lena finds herself driven by an attempt to comfort.

“I have no idea. It’s my family’s creed though.”

And it’s not quite the truth, because she remembers sitting through countless lessons about the family heritage and legacy. She recalls Lillian Luthor’s fond exasperation as Lex kept jumping in with jokes and creative hijinks to entertain his bored sister. Her lips quirk at the memory and she’s eager to return to those that matter. 

Boarding school is a torment that she’d rather not repeat; brimming with cattiness and petty insecurities. So, she clears her throat as she holds the other girl’s gaze.

“It certainly didn’t make me a lot of friends either. I wouldn’t worry about them, you know…”

The sounds of childish glee filter in from the distance. The blonde seems to flinch at the volume, and Lena softens her tone. 

“Let them roll around in their ignorance.”

Reaching for the girl’s shoulder; she whispers.

“The world is less forgiving to fools over time.”

The girl relaxes under her touch; drawing something into the ground — a crest of sorts. Lena thinks that it looks too much like the sketches in Lex’s bedroom, a bold S-shape encased in a pentagon. And somehow, she’s not horribly surprised when the meaning behind it turns out to be just as impressive.

“Mine is stronger together.”

They share a small smile. It feels like an interaction that will stay with them as they exchange the parts of their identities that mould them. A hand hovers in the corner of Lena’s vision.

“I’m Kara Danvers.”

Lena shakes the limb slowly; mind churning in thought.

“L— _Katie_.”

The stumble is barely noticeable and she recovers well. The guilt fades away; Lena’s given anonymity under the guise of someone else. She loves her adoptive family, but in a life of wealth and power plays, being a Luthor is a life sentence. And, if Kara is curious about a last name, she doesn’t push it.

Somehow, Lena thinks that, maybe, the other girl might be tired of being lonely too.

“Alright Kara, I’ll bite. What makes you so far from normal?”

The question kind and mostly in jest. She’s is caught off guard by the sudden seriousness that descends.

“I am not allowed to say.”

Kara is wound tight and Lena thinks that if she were sitting just a little closer that she’d be able to feel the nervous energy vibrating from the girl’s tiny frame. 

“Ok. Self-preservation instincts. I guess that I am a stranger. That’s just good common sense.”

The reassurance does nothing to soothe the conflict swirling in those eyes. Kara’s hands remain tightly clenched and deep regulated breaths try to force some calm. And while she had hoped for conversation, Lena decides that silent camaraderie will have to do. So they stare at the same patch of grass in the distance, and are distracted by the same flock of birds that fly overhead; _in sync with the graceful arcs of their necks._

Lena is undoubtedly stunned by what happens next. She barely manages to understand the quiet rush of words.

“I can fly.”

“What?”

Kara has a worried lip as she stares imploringly at Lena. 

One. Two. Three. 

There’s a small breeze as Kara’s body begins to lift up from the ground. Lena’s long hair whips into her eyes and she’s sure that it’s just a trick of the mind. However, when she finally looks up again, Kara is unmistakably hovering ten inches and there are no elaborate wires about it. With wide eyes, Lena’s mouth almost drops open. _Almost_ being the operative word— until she sees Kara’s flicker of worry. The smaller girl turns away; preparing for some manner of rejection. And, Lena _adapts_. She bites _hard_ on her tongue, schools her features and aims for a nonchalant tone. 

“Ok. _Mildly impressive_. Hardly anything to ostracise you over though…”

And when Kara laughs, Lena wonders if all midwestern expressions of happiness are this blinding or if it’s simply _this specific girl_. Somehow, she thinks that the taste of iron and throbbing pain in her mouth is worth it. There would be time later for gaping and hysterics in the privacy of her own room. 

Kara’s eyes dance in contentment and in the space of a blink, she has an uncooked burger in her hands. Lena chuckles, looking back at the party where there’s a confused man standing by the grill. She faces Kara again just in time for twin blue beams and the smell of charred meat. The patty kind of disintegrates in Kara’s hands and the blonde shrugs sheepishly with a red tinge to her cheeks.

“I am still working on that one.”

Lena grins, slipping the surviving burger bun gently out of Kara’s hands. She tears it in half, offering Kara a share. Kara seems to inhale it in moments as Lena raises her eyebrows in amusement. She revisits the events up til now.

“So, you’ve got your head up in the clouds, ADHD-like speed and are a terrible cook —”

Lena leans forward conspiratorially and Kara seems to recognise the gesture. The blonde brightens at the idea of participating in the social construct but her enthusiasm causes their heads to knock lightly together. Kara pulls back in worry, but she is stopped by the determined brunette who touches their foreheads instead. Lena tries not to think about the bruise that will be there tomorrow as she holds onto Kara’s attention. And, she’s nothing but kind when she speaks.

_“—You sound like any other thirteen year old to me.”_

Kara remains in awe, suspended in the moment. The ringing in Lena’s pocket manages to intrude. And with a sigh, Lena fishes the device out. Joseph’s name flashes on the caller ID and she looks up concernedly, wondering just how close he’s shadowed this time. But Joseph remains faithful; always in the distance and with his back turned.

Lena smiles apologetically at Kara, before standing up and dusting the dirt from her clothes. And damn it, _there are grass stains on her favourite skirt._

Still, maybe the sting of it is less when Kara pushes a scrap of paper into her palms. Lena carefully reads the hastily scribbled lines. Kara fidgets endearingly in front of her, playing with her glasses. And courage breaks through the shy exterior as the blonde manages to say.

_“If you’re maybe looking for a friend too…”_

—

When Lena is in the limousine again, watching the sweeping planes blur back into city skylines; she thinks about everything. It’s the dawn of a new age as meta-humans, vigilantes and aliens emerge from the wood work. Their abilities seem beyond science; more fantasy than reality. 

And, in the recesses of her mind, _she finds herself wondering if Kara might be a little bit magic too._

Lena thinks about the girl that she’s just met. And in a odd way, it’s sad. Because, in ten years boys and probably even girls will be lining up to offer Kara the world. Awkwardness will become charming and the weird quirks, re-labelled as being unique. The world will finally recognise the young girl’s value. But it’s so unfair, because Lena would do it now if asked.

—

“So, who was that?”

Alex asks, flopping into the empty space next to Kara. Her dark hair is haphazard and her cheeks are pink with exertion from playing with her friends. And despite her usual attention to detail, she even manages to have a smudge of chocolate on the bridge of her nose. Kara giggles at the sight before crawling into Alex’s lap to clean it away. She’s careful about the strength behind her actions. Kara recalls all to vividly of how, _during the initial days_ , she’d bruised Alex in an effort to return the human tradition of cheek pinching. 

Kara relaxes happily into Alex’s arms. The older girl is always more affectionate in private; away from the judgement of her friends. And despite Eliza’s attempts, Kara doesn’t think that it is something that should be held against her. After all, Alex is a teenager with a new but eccentric sister, and — _the rules of high school popularity are absolute_. 

Still, she _is_ getting better. She gives Kara awkward head pats and walks her to all her classes; daring the bullies to try something. There’s a steel to her that tells Kara that Alex would give away everything to keep her safe. And, Kara feels as loved by Alex on earth as she’s ever been on Krypton. 

So, she answers freely.

“Katie.”

“Katie huh?”

Kara's confused by the vagueness to Alex's response.

“Yes. She wasn’t forthcoming about a last name. I assumed that it would be impolite to ask.”

Alex closes her eyes, expelling a slow breath. And with knowing in her tone, she mutters.

_“I don’t suppose she would be.”_

Rubbing her face tiredly, the euphoria from the party begins to wash away. Responsibility returns to her frame and she sags a bit. She can already envision her mother’s stern admonishments and her father’s peace-keeping attempts. After all, what kind of big sister lets their naive alien charge fall into the dark and complex world of Luthors. It’s a spotlight on their lives that they can’t afford and Alex feels that familiar anxiety flare up at the thought of it. She’d recognised Lena from last year’s TIME magazine portrait of the family. 

And, Alex is still not entirely sure why she didn’t stop the interaction before it began. All she knows is that Kara deserves to smile like that to least _one person_ outside of the Kent-Danvers households. 

And was it _so_ disastrous if it was Lena? 

Yes. No. _Probably_. 

Alex wanted to give Kara Zor-El the chance at a friend. She just couldn’t have imagined that it would play out the way that it had, _with_ _all too much honesty._

“Kara… _You showed her your powers.”_

Alex is pained as she tries to explain.

“You have to be more careful than this. Not everyone on this earth is trustworthy”

It’s a conversation that she hates, normally preferring to leave it to her mother. She doesn’t want to destroy Kara’s optimism in humanity, and Alex can barely handle the crestfallen expression that happens after.

“I wanted to, Alex.”

Kara is quietly defiant as thinks about how Katie had handled the situation. A warmth spreads from her chest and she feels comfortable despite the quickening of her heart.

“I showed her and she didn’t judge or _freak out_ as they say.”

Her voice trembles with relief.

_“She told me that I was normal.”_

And since meeting Kara, Alex has never been very good at being distant. She’s only just learning how to be accountable for another person. _It’s different._ To have something, _someone_ that tempers her recklessness; for she has always been too impulsive in her effort to live up to her parents. 

So, Alex manages to keep her question soft.

“And that piece of paper?”

“The address to the house of Danvers. So that we may communicate, should she want to.”

Kara whispers into her jacket and it’s only when she hears it aloud that she realises what she’s done. Her eyes widen and tears pool. She thinks that endangering the Danvers family is not an acceptable compromise for anything — not even a friend. _Her first_.

“I’m sorry Alex.”

The blonde covers her face with her hands.

“I just —“

And Kara finally looks up.

_“She’s different from anyone in my class.”_

It’s one of those rare moments where Kara allows herself to grieve about the state of things: her parents, Krypton and all the little differences that still set her apart from this race as well. Never quite accepted. Never quite fitting in.   

Alex looks up to the sky in resignation. It hurts the same every time Kara cries; like a stab in the chest plate, disrupting all notion of stability. Except normally — they’re sitting on the cliff-face of some random island that Kara has flown them to. The Kryptonian lets go: always and only around Alex. 

And perhaps, she is just tired of feeling powerless. 

And if Lena Luthor _can make any sort of difference…_

So, holding Kara’s hand in her own; Alex Danvers makes an executive decision and speaks into the wind.

“I guess — she knows where to find us then.” 

For Alex has always been built for ‘ _we_ ’ and ‘ _us_ ’ — but never ‘you.’ 

Ruffling the the blonde’s hair, Alex brings the smaller girl into an easy embrace. She resolves to be the calibration between Eliza’s protective edicts and Kara’s lingering sense of loss. 

“We will figure this out Kara. Just — _don’t tell mom or dad ok?”_


	2. Letters & Interludes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The In-between Years

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter should make it more obvious what kind of path this story is heading towards. Hopefully you guys like it!

The first letter comes one week later with a return PO box address and no further details. Kara is excited as she zips around the room, producing a 3 page document in a manner of seconds.

‘Figuring the situation out’ — turns out to mean lying quite spectacularly to her mother about a non-existent science camp, taking the bullet train to Metropolis and camping out at the location of the PO box. Kara’s letter stays protected in her breast pocket. It isn’t the smartest plan that Alex has ever come up with, but she can’t risk alerting Clark. So, with her lawn mowing money, Alex checks into the backpackers next door and waits. She takes note of her surroundings, knowing that Kara would demand a thorough re-telling.

Day one is actually fun. Alex has stake-out snacks, a notebook and a growing understanding of the ins and outs of the neighbourhood. She feels every bit like one of those secret agents from the blockbusters that her father insists on watching.

Day two is slow and Alex digs up a yoyo from the corner store to play with.

And by day three, she’s bored out of her mind and questioning her life choices. She has no idea _if_ this letter will be picked up at all, let alone when. However, her desire to stay out of her mother’s radar convinces her to stay til the next morning and a large black Lincoln pulls up at ten o’clock. Alex jumps up from her perch and approaches the blinding headlights; making out the two figures. Joseph stays by the car while Lena walks confidently towards Alex.

At sixteen years, Alex towers over the thirteen year old heiress; conditioned from surfing and soccer training. To her credit, Lena doesn’t shy away from the unspoken challenge at all. Both girls stare appraisingly at each other; hard, focussed and sharp. And it’d be easy to mistake them for someone much older. 

Alex sticks her hand out, refusing to discard all her manners.

“Alex.”

Lena grasps the hand with a raised brow and, Alex feels the need to emphasise.

“Alex _Danvers_.” 

At that, understanding dawns on Lena as she pieces together the situation.

“Luthor, _Lena_.”

She relaxes a bit and tilts her head in amusement.

“Though I suppose that you have already figured that out.”

Lena eyes the letter peeking out of the other girl’s jacket and Alex’s edgy tone brings her back to the present.

“I know that you know.”

And ok, so _that’s_ what they were here to talk about. Lena huffs and crosses her arms defensively. She glares at Alex; waiting for the snarls, threats and insults regarding the keeping of Kara’s secrets. It doesn’t happen. Instead, Alex is simply cautious as she speaks in euphemisms. Her hazel eyes flicker keenly towards Joseph. 

“Kara…She’s different.”

And Lena laughs. She thinks that she might grow to like Alex’s penchant for double-speak and understatements. Her own response is almost instinctive in its worship.

“She’s _extraordinary.”_

Biting her lip, Lena meets the Alex’s heavy gaze. The taller girl looks to the sky for a moment and the weight of her actions catch up to her. Alex tries to believe that this is a good choice — _the right one_.

“Please don’t hurt her.”

Holding Kara’s letter out; there’s a plea mixed into the command.

_“She just needs to be Kara Danvers here.”_

Lena takes the envelope slowly. 

“She’s been through more than you know…”

Running a hand through her hair, it’s an unpracticed attempt to mask the apprehension. And, for a moment, it’s a reminder of Alex’s youthfulness. She’s a small town girl running around Metropolis City with nothing but a back-pack, an address and a super-powered sister waiting at home. Lena wonders what kind of society places that kind of burden on a sixteen year old. But, Alex Danvers carries it well. In fact, Alex is so much like Lex by the scars on their knuckles and the chips on their shoulders as they tell Kara and Lena that _the schoolyard would be safe now._

Alexander and Alexandra. Lex and Alex. How much is in a name?

Lena wonders if it means that the two older siblings were always destined to defend — _protect._

“I am just searching for a friend Alex.”

She thinks of her brother’s advice before he left for college; to find someone untainted by the haze of power.

“And it seems like Kara might be too.”

Lena is willing to bet that she has. 

“The world can be cruel but I have no intentions of travelling down that path. All I ask is that you maintain my cover.”

Grumbling quietly, Lena thinks about the vultures hanging about, seemingly just waiting for the Luthor children to miss-step.

Lena gives the older girl one more glance. And Alex nods as if she brave this concession. 

“I would value some freedom from the preconceptions.”

—

A week later, Lex comes home for the long weekend. Their father needs him around for the opening of a paediatric wing, for yet another hospital. It’s an attempt to offset the public’s fury about the latest Luthor power plant failure and the itinerary has been set with back-to-back interviews. There’s hardly any time for Lex any to breathe, let alone spend time with his beloved sister. 

Lena expects her brother to be the indignant and sullen that he usually is when he’s being made to parade about like trojan horse. Because, although Lionel still tries to protect his little girl from the claws of the business, the hard man had long since realised the utility of Lex. His son — who was inventive, charismatic and a handsome enough sacrifice. 

So, it’s completely unexpected when Lex comes into her room, _happy._

Her brother drops his bags on her floor and sets up a sleeping bag. Waving their mother’s protests away, Lex envelopes Lena in his arms. The siblings hadn’t seen each other in months. Missing the ease of his enlightened sister, the phone calls were hardly enough. 

And tonight — _he has news to share._

Over hot chocolate and mini-marshmallows, Lex speaks of Metropolis University. He describes the historic sandstone buildings and state-of-the-art laboratories. He shows her the blueprints for his current thesis and respects her opinions. It’s wonderful. For the first time since she’s known him, Lex is carefree — _away from the crowd_ and in the pursuit of knowledge. 

Lena doesn’t think that it gets better than this. 

_But, it does_. Because, Lex eventually talks about the friend that he’s made. 

_Clark Kent_ — a clumsy journalism major from Kansas; _inherently noble_ in his values and desire to help. He’s warm despite the associations of their family name.

_And Lex is all bright eyes and reverent:_ when he shifts closer to his sister, whispering excitedly about aliens and powers. Lex talks about accidentally stumbling onto his friend’s extraordinary feats. He’s optimistic, as he waits for Clark to be ready to trust him — _to realise that he can_. Because, Clark Kent is his best friend and Lex is willing to patient in the meantime. He’s certain that one day they’ll take the world by storm.

The moment causes Lena to glance excitedly towards the letter sitting on her desk. She hugs her brother, hoping that this is yet another thing that they have in common; sealing them as siblings despite the lack of blood.

And life goes on for a while. Lex returns to college and Lena continues her correspondence with the blonde girl who seems so much like paradise. Kara writes about school, Krypton and hilarious introductions to some of earth’s wiliest appliances. She relies on Lena for counsel and the continuing effects that the letters have on her heart; _the beat-beat-beat-skip._  

Lena, on the other hand, expounds on the immaturity of her peers and her boredom with the current curriculum. Perhaps most importantly, Lena also confides about her theories over the years for her biological parents’ abandonment. She’s still amazed by how Kara’s impossible disposition manages to save her from more dangerous thoughts, tethering her to the present. 

It’s almost enough to make Lena ponder the possibility of a grand design…

Whilst Alex Danvers remains a steady presence throughout. Without fail, the older girl delivers Kara’s letters, determined to maintain a chain of custody. Sometimes the girls sit down for a conversation. And with Alex’s background and Lena’s tendency to skip grades; it’s all arguments about chemistry, physics and bio-engineering. While other times, it’s simply Joseph. 

Over the course of it, Alex begins to trust that her sister has chosen wisely…

However when Superman reveals himself — _everything begins to change_. The world lauds his actions as being just, courageous and beyond reproach. 

Lex continues to comes home every holiday break. But, with darkening shadows under his eyes; _he’s a little more disenchanted each time._

It all seems so innocuous. 

And one night — Lena wakes up to the sounds of thunder and torrential downpour outside of her bedroom. She strains her eyes to see her brother in her desk chair.  Broken and bleeding, Lex wears shredded and singed clothes. He’s lost his hair and a deep jagged gash runs under is left cheekbone. Lena almost screams at the bloodied towels littering her floors. 

Finally noticing her woken state, Lex limps forward to sit on her bedside. Despite the swelling in his jaw, he attempts an understanding smile that it comes out more as a grimace. Casting a quick look at her stationary set, he speaks to her like he’s always known that she’s been a little too interested in supers. Lena watches, as everything she’s ever looked up to crumbles right in front of her as he spits everything out between his teeth. 

Lex speaks of Cain and Abel, and of how — being brothers means so little in real life. 

He’s viscious, as he warns that a super is not to be trusted, because they will never trust you _— not really._

And, clutching her desperately hand in his, Lex cautions that the supers can and will _, control everything…_  

When her brother isn’t there in the morning, Lena almost manages to convince herself that it was all a dream. But then, the whole circus happens. The world turns on it’s axis _and suddenly_ , it’s Superman against Lex Luthor for the fate of the world. 

Lena is helpless as her brother becomes responsible for bombs, unbridled fear and earthquakes.

Lex goes seemingly insane.

Lionel dies in one of the building collapses.

And Lillian Luthor, retreats to her laboratories; hellbent on way to make use of the ice in her veins. 

In the space of a year, Lena loses _everything_. So, she locks the letters away in the back of her closet. 

Lena teaches herself to hate the blue, red and gold. 

And reminding herself of the destruction in Lex’s eyes — _Lena, at the age of fifteen years, decides that she doesn’t want anything to do with a super…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, so many implications flying about. I'm so curious about the Lex & Lena sibling relationship when paralleled against Alex & Kara. 
> 
> It's super cool that the name Alex means protector though.
> 
> Next up, Lena arrives in National City.


	3. National City

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena arrives in National City to be faced with Corben, Kara and her brother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm trying to keep it in the range of canon. So most of these parts will kind of tie in to the actual episodes. Enjoy.

There’s nothing Lena likes about National City. It’s bright, loud and full of ridiculously cheerful individuals who actually expect a conversation past the initial hello. Without the shade of Metropolis’ tall towers, she actually feels her skin burn. And she would actually march straight back to the jet if she wasn’t just as sure that Joseph would drag her back out. 

Remembering the meeting with the estate lawyers, Lena sighs. With Lionel dead, Lillian missing and Lex incarcerated; it’s finally time to earn her last name. 

The honeymoon, as it seems, is over.

Her mind drifts to the recent high court decision. An agreement between the government, DEO and US Army had been brokered. And now — Alexander James Luthor will serve out the remainder his sentence in an underground prison, halfway in between National City and Metropolis. Lena rolls her eyes at the transparency of it all. She pities those who think that her brother doesn’t have any moves left. He has one — and it’s the same one that he’s held onto, _since that first honest conversation in her bedroom_. 

Lena has spent her whole life wondering when Lex will use it. And, she’ll be damned if she doesn’t get the chance to ask him.

So, she closes her eyes and resigns herself to this city. She prepares herself for the battles ahead. Her hands trace the lead lined box in her lap. It’s been years and she still can’t bring herself to open it. Shaking her head at her own sentimentality, she takes in the scenery instead. And Lena’s got the lies and deflections ready in her mind. She wasn’t on the Venture yesterday because she had a emergency meeting with the board about the re-naming ceremony. She just wants a fresh start. And — she has never met Kara Danvers. 

Can you tell the truth from the lies?

Its not that easy of course, but Lena has always been good at pretending that she wasn’t raised by Luthors — that she didn’t love them.

Somehow she’s hardly surprised by Clark and Kara’s presence waiting outside of the doors to her building. She frowns as she steps out of the limo. Lena’s always found this the most disgusting part of it all; _when Superman assumes the role of Kent_. And, it’s not just an omission of truth. It’s a premeditated deceit that gets you to lower your guard. And before you can blink, the damage is done. 

_Lex_ — was _done_.

So, Lena just grips the lead case tighter in her hands as she strides past them. If they were to insist on ambushing her; she certainly isn’t going to let them take the lead. 

Lena isn’t going to let herself care about who that little blonde girl grew up to be.

—

The confrontation plays out as she expects. 

She meets Clark head on and Lena wonders if it is guilt that flickers briefly behind his irises before he remembers his position on the moral high ground. She smirks as she submits herself to the trial.

He challenges. He taunts. And by god — he _implies._

Lena supposes on some level she’s impressed by his audacity and the strength of his prejudice. She wonders if he feels like the hero, even now, as he continues hounds her. The tension rises and Kara is the first to break. She looks between them warily as if she’s torn. She has never seen this side of her cousin; miles from the mild-mannered reporter. And despite this being her first introduction to Lena; there’s something about the young CEO that she connects with. She wants to trust the instinct even if she has no reason to.

So Kara takes the foreground and Lena lets her. Lena takes in the knee-length dress and cardigan. She almost feels the desire to reach out for those lead-lined glasses; righting them from the crooked position. And small facts crawl back into her mind. Things like how Jeremiah made those for Kara when she was still having trouble with her powers. And that, Kara loves pastels because it wasn’t a colour she had been allowed to wear on Krypton; instead geared towards the household hands and lower houses. Lena knows all these secrets revealed in confidence, and she buckles a little under it. So, she makes a snap decision. Because maybe, she can balance out some of the scales before this is all over. And p _erhaps Kara Danvers is owed a piece of Lena too._

So, Lena talks about her adoption, on how she had idolised Lex and her aspirations for L-Corp. 

She tries not to have her hands shaking by the end of it.

—

_Supergirl_ saves her from the helicopter disaster and Lena refuses to let it be more than that. With tightly shut eyes, she leaves the hero with the injured pilot on the landing. She doesn’t want to associate the girl with the suit — not yet. _The lie has to hold a little longer._

Lena instructs Joseph to take her back to the penthouse and she chuckles darkly at the package waiting for her on the kitchen counter. Inside the elaborate box is a gun; a SW1911 Smith and Weston. Joseph hands her the card that came with it. 

In a familiar cursive, the words _‘You Are Welcome,’_ are stark against the cream background. And it’s interesting how even the broad fountain pen strokes seem threatening…

In the end, Lena just sighs. She pours herself a scotch and slips the weapon into the pocket of her trench-coat; waiting for the return of her nerves.

—

The re-naming ceremony is always going to be some form of a disaster. Lena isn’t stupid. However, as she waits to be called to the podium; Kara Danvers still manages to surprise her.

“Can I ask you something?”

The question is timid. When Lena looks up, she’s notes that Kara is dressed down. She wants to ask which persona the blonde feels more comfortable in. And why, unlike Superman — Supergirl doesn’t seem to bleed into everything she does yet. Lena thinks that maybe then, she’ll understand the compromises that she seems to be making.

“By all means…”

“Why are you doing this?”

Lena pauses. She feels a flash of anger as her eyes turn cold.

“Didn’t we already have this conversation? Back in my office? Where Mr Kent was blindly throwing around accusations based on a name?

_Lena thinks that she should have known better_. And, realising the misunderstanding, Kara hurries to fix it.

“No! No, I mean —“

Unable to get the words out fast enough, Kara just reaches out for the CEO’s hand in her distress. They both try to ignore the fluttering in their chests as Kara squeezes softly. The blonde swallows as she tries to be a little more careful with her speech.

“Lena, you completed high school when you were thirteen.”

Kara begins. The hurt starts fades away. And oh, they’ve managed to skip past the formalities and straight to first names. The intimacy of it leaves them with dry mouths and a spreading blush. Still, Kara pushes on. 

“You hold degrees from Stanford, MIT and Metropolis University. Lena, you’ve even studied abroad at Oxford…”

Kara fiddles with her frames for a moment before looking up again.

“You were so young. So, how did you know what you wanted to do?”

And, Kara has met so many amazing people in her life, across earths, planets and galaxies. Human beings are so extraordinary by the creativity of their minds and the depths of their feelings. Looking at Lena in wonder, Kara thinks that this human is important, _and still worth believing in._ Closing her eyes, she thinks that she’s only ever met one other person like this. And with equal parts fondness and trepidation; it’s something that she doesn’t let herself think too hard about. All too often, she finds herself asking what it means that Katie has always kept her secrets. 

Shaking her head, Kara returns to the present. _But,_ Lena is so like that girl from so long ago. The CEO carries direction and a sense of surety about all that she does. And to Kara, that makes the brunette more than a hero. After all, Kara, herself, is lost; _floundering_ in her attempts to find a calling beyond the suit. 

And now smiling sadly at Lena, Kara’s not sure if she’s more than that.

“ _Weren’t you afraid that you might choose wrong?”_

The question is met with silence and Lena thinks back to that moment when she first meets Kara. Her mind ghosts over the laughter and companionship shared in between lines, commas and full-stops. And Lena swears that it is alright. After all, whatever spell had made emotions so amenable to Kara in the past, _didn’t have to have the same effect now._

_“What if you’re unoriginal and just following the footsteps of those before you?”_

Kara whispers, forlorn and small, despite her stature.

By that, Lena finally understands the problem and, it’s another tally that she draws against Clark Kent. Because - Kara’s childhood abandonment makes her eager to please and firm in her desire not to encroach on another’s territory. The blonde is Supergirl because it is in her veins, but she is also terrified of being anything else. And now, Kara’s somehow worried that she might also find home in a loud bustling bullpen.

So, Lena tries for something lighter and teasing.

“Been looking me up have you?”

The blonde snaps up in embarrassment.

“Uh — Just doing my do diligence.”

And Lena, who has always been a little to daring for her good, leans forward to remove a stray hair from Kara’s glasses.

_“You most certainly have done that…”_

In this range, everything is magnified and Lena can see the fluttering of each eyelash. She’s suddenly thankful for how, in his madness, Lex had stricken all of her childhood pictures from the public record. She wonders if that was her brother trying to protect her, _even then._

“I suppose that chemistry, mechatronics and even the family business — it was, _what I wanted_.”

The answer comes out easier than she expects. 

“It didn’t matter that Lex had already excelled in those fields, because our motivations couldn’t be more different.”

Lena smiles deprecatingly at Kara, pinning the other woman with her stare. The CEO is a little breathless when she asks.

“So, the question is, Kara — what do you _want_?”

Playing withe the pen in her hands, Kara looks up. 

“I —I just want to help. To be a positive change… _And to make meaningful connections._ ”

Her sincerity is striking.

Lena finds that herself back in that small town with the tall grass that obscure them from view. _Once again_ , she’s talking to a girl who is just desperate to find a place for her troubled mind. And, when Kara looks at Lena like she could be the one to give it to her — _in the moment,_ Lena just doesn’t have a good enough reason not to.

As it turns out, the emotions in those blue eyes still hold some power over her.

“Well, you’re here Miss Danvers.”

She tilts her head.

“ _You’re here_ : asking insightful questions, with a notepad and CatCo. press credentials…”

And Kara is taken by everything that’s being said, so unaware of the qualities that set her apart. 

“So — maybe you already know who you want to be…”

_And Clark Kent isn’t a factor — Lena thinks as she gazes at Kara._  

A voice from the speakers interrupts and the CEO stands, dusting her pants. Before she can second guess herself, she has her hand extended to the blonde. 

“I believe it’s time to get on the chopping block… _Walk with me?_ ”

Kara beams.

—

Lena barely gets a sentence out before the blasts destroy the stage. She’s rushed to the wings, and though she shouldn’t care; she still tries to locate the earlier blonde. Kara is gone and in her stead is the red cape that whizzes past. Lena clenches her jaw, trying to control the visceral reaction that occurs. In the distance, the two superheroes are bracing the L-Corp building. And, revulsion fills her body. Lena remembers her brother, and thinks that Supergirl and Superman had no right to be that close. _She would rather the whole place fall._

A bullet rushes past and Corben is suddenly stalking towards her. Refusing to cower; Lena slips her hand into her pocket, wrapping around that familiarly shaped metal. But then Alex Danvers comes out of nowhere; all punches, kicks and takedowns. She gives Lena a pointed look before telling her to leave. And the CEO has half a mind to. 

She doesn’t though. Because, through some dirty trick of a manoeuvre, Corben gains the upper hand and has Alex at gunpoint. _Supergirl_ is backed into a corner of useless negotiations and Lena Luthor has had _enough._

She draws the weapon and braces her stance. The bullet hits its target and she rolls her eyes at it all. 

Contrary to all accounts, she’s not plagued by shame or anything else, and — _the Smith and Wesson is weightless in her hands._

—

“Oh, I’m sorry! Were you about to head out? I can come back. I probably shouldn’t have just showed up. That was —“

The blonde stumbles into the room in a rambling mess but Lena thinks that she’s graceful despite it all.

“Kara. It’s quite alright.”

Saving the work on the desktop, she gives Kara her full attention. 

And Lena has had a long week. She’s confused over a great many things; not the least of which is whether she even wants to be in the vicinity of the woman in front of her. However her systems are still running on the adrenaline from the attack, and the arguments for each side just keep building. 

So maybe, she just wants to play a little with fire— _just to see what it would feel like._

“I’m glad that you’re safe. I was concerned, You just seemed to disappear today in the fray of the accident.”

Kara’s eyes widen comically. 

“Oh that, yeah — I think I just got frightened by the noise.”

Lena barely contains her urge to laugh. Kara seems to be on the path of verbal meltdown as the explanations keep tumbling out at an alarming rate. 

“Don’t worry about little old me, I’m pretty impervious to most things.”

Hearing the statement out loud, a look of mortification crosses the blonde’s face. The word impervious sounds so much like _bulletproof_ in her mind. And, Kara thinks that Alex will kill her for this as she tries for one more scramble.

“At least that’s what I’ve been told.”

Leaning her chin to her hand, Lena finally takes pity. Kara tries not to be intimidated by the mischief dancing behind that intelligent expression.

_“Is that right?”_

Gesturing into the air, Lena teases. 

“Faster than a speeding bullet?”

The CEO recites the familiar headline from Superman’s earlier days. 

“Stronger than a — what was it?”

With a reddening complexion, Kara is unable to look away and Lena hums in amusement.

“A locomotive?”

But Kara isn’t scared. She probably should be. Lena is the very embodiment of danger, vengeance and secrets. However in the current scene, the CEO just seems sad as she changes the tone of the conversation to something darker and grittier. 

“Well then, _maybe you’ll give the supers a run for their money someday…”_

Kara flinches. 

“I — yeah…”

She reminds herself that Lena Luthor doesn’t know — _can’t possibly know._

“But unfortunately, I’m just Kara Danvers.”

Kara attempts a smile to offset the bleakness of the statement. Lena frowns in thought, and her voice becomes a little harder...

“Nobody is _just_ anything Kara.”

And just like that, everything changes again. Lena leans back into her chair and her expression clears. She speaks in a soothing tone.

“Anyway shouldn’t you be at home? Celebrating with some friends and enjoying some respite from the day?”

“I couldn’t sleep.”

Kara plays with the strap of her bag. She had come home after the DEO debriefing; full of restlessness. Watching the bullet kill Corben didn’t feel like a win. And Kara looks at Lena, wondering if the brunette is affected at all. The blonde doesn’t understand humanity’s dependence on guns; a method of violence that was so _final_. 

“What about you? You just survived an assassination attempt.”

There’s a bark of laugher as Lena shakes her head. 

“If I took a day for every threat that came my way, I’d never get any work done.”

The CEO smirks dryly.

“No rest for the wicked and all that.”

Lena expects a quick Hallmark platitude or an awkward conversational pivot. But Lena really doesn’t give Kara enough credit, because the blonde simply waits until Lena has no choice but to take moment seriously.

_“You’re not.”_

Kara speaks clearly.

_“I don’t think that you are wicked Lena.”_

“No?”

Lena raises her eyebrows in curiosity and Kara just shakes her head quietly.

“Well, you’d be one of the few.”

Bristling, Lena tries injects some venom into her words.

“Be careful Kara, I would hate for you to be disappointed.”

And it’s an irrational attempt to put some distance between them and stop whatever this is. But, Kara Danvers is unshakeable.

“May I?”

The blonde nods to the balcony door. It has always been easier to talk about the past when she has a sprawling skyline.

Resting on the doorjamb, Lena acquiesces. She watches Kara lean over the railing. The nighttime lights cast a light glow on the blonde tresses and there's still a part of her that considers Kara to be part magic.

“My mother was a judge.”

Kara shuffles her feet.

“Before she was taken away from me, I remember following her to work and wanting to be just like her someday.”

She grins slightly and Lena returns it.

“But then two days before my birthday, there was a particularly hard case. The defendant was a child on the cusp of maturity.”

The old emotions bubble up again and she’s unable to stop the disgust that seeps into her voice.

“ _His_ , was a house known for their questionable practices.”

And, Lena prefers Kara like this. 

“He was trying to be good, but his actions led to the death of a scientist. And, there was no choice but to send hime to Fort R — I mean, life imprisonment.”

Lena finds it easier when Kara forgets her learned mannerisms and Earth phrasings. It reminds her to maintain some kind of distance. 

“That night, I asked my mother how she could stand to be disappointed time and time again.”

Taking a deep breath, Kara turns around to face Lena. 

“And she just smiled at me.”

Smoothing out the crinkles in her skirt, Kara realises that she’s never told anyone this story before. She’s not sure how to categorise the effects that Lena seems to be having; somewhere between the warmth of James Olsen and the unpredictability of Cat Grant.

“My mother said that the feeling wasn’t something to be afraid of — that _disappointment_ was simply the proof of your faith in a person…”

Lena inhales sharply. She’s tense as Kara moves to step closer. And maybe there’s some safety in those old memories, because the blonde finishes confidently. 

“It means that you trusted — or _still trust_ in their potential to be better.”

Kara rocks on her heels for a bit. 

“So I don’t mind Lena.”

Shrugging lightly and with a certain amount of intensity, the blonde manages to say.

_“You’re free to disappoint.”_

Lena is trapped by the genuineness of it all.

She thinks that Kara Danvers really doesn’t know how to protect herself at all; showing Lena all of the exposed areas to strike. The blonde sways forward but seems to catch herself just in time. Lena stops _breathing,_ and in an instant Kara is shy again, laughing self-consciously. Confused by her own actions, Kara twists her fingers together and takes a big step back. It makes it easier to focus — _to breathe_. 

And looking at Lena one more time she smiles. 

“Anyway, I should probably go and see if Clark needs help with the article.” 

When Kara leaves, Lena pushes the button on the intercom. 

She stares at the gun sitting in her desk drawer and tells Joseph to bring the car around.

—

“ _Why_ do you insist on playing your puppeteer theatre?”

The exasperated growl echoes in the stone cavern as Lena throws the weapon at the entrance of the cell. An electric field comes to life, sending the object into the corner. Lex’s underground prison is an interestingly open concept, with glass panes and various holographic accoutrements.

The man himself is unfazed, lounging quietly in his armchair. The orange jumpsuit stands out garishly against his alabaster skin. And Lena has once questioned his reasons for wearing it. It was hardly as if the government couldn’t be pressured into something nicer. But, in the end, her brother had just smiled. He told her, that _in certain garments_ , the world is more likely to underestimate. 

_And Lex did so enjoy the consequences when they do._

“Consider it a gift — my contribution to your fresh start.”

Her brother offers airily; gesturing for her to sit. When she doesn’t, Lex seems to soften. Kindness enters his green eyes and he says.

“They would not have believed you otherwise Lena.” 

And Lena is resigned as she drops into the chair. She isn’t angry. She can’t be really, because Lex had warned her off the Venture. He had given her a gun — _his._ And perhaps most importantly, he was successful in the outcome of his endeavours. In the article being written, Kara is proud and Clark has had a change his heart. He tries to absolve her. 

“So, Superman has a cousin…”

Lex marvels, as he sets up the holographic chessboard. Lena raises her eyebrow at the knowing in his tone before settling in for a game. 

“Money buys a lot Lena. You should know that.”

His voice is rich, dripping with implications. And it’s true. Because, money is what buys these visitations and keep her brother up-to-date on the evening news. Money is also what puts Prison Guard Ronald and his family in sniper sights; forcing the helpless man to leave the room and turn off the cameras. 

It’s a temporary moment of privacy. 

But still, in the end it isn’t quite real. Lena’s gaze drifts towards the force field generators, keypads and jangling keys; unable to stop the remark that comes out.

_“Not everything.”_

She moves her pawn. 

“No. Not everything…”  

Lex smiles wistfully. Under this light, the long scar running down his face highlights his cheekbones and it’s obvious that he still hasn’t lost his looks. Lena thinks that if it wasn’t for the tendency towards insanity, that the Luthor genetics would be the envy of the world.

“But, then again, _not all prisons are physical…_ ”

Lex continues fluidly as his eyes glitter in amusement. And with that, Lena thinks about her interactions with Clark Kent. Her brother isn’t wrong. Clark and Superman are now somewhat tainted; changed forever by their actions towards Lex. The supposedly mild mannered reporter is no longer quite capable of giving someone the benefit of the doubt and vulnerable to flickers of rage. During the interspersed moments, Clark always stares at the little sister of his ex-best friend in both guilt and fondness.

“Tell me, how is young Supergirl?”

Stiffening, Lena thinks that there’s an ambiguity to her brother that makes her wonder, what exactly he is alluding to in his statements. She’s not naive enough to believe that Lex is harmless just because he’s in one of his more amiable lulls. 

“Has she grown up with the same zeal for truth, justice and the American way?”

His sarcasm fills the room and disgust mars his features. What he doesn’t say is — _has she grown up with the same distrust of Luthors_?

But Lena has always understood her brother, and the importance of everything that existed between the lines. Leaning back into her chair, she crosses her arms. Lena bites her lip and confesses in a rush of air.

“She _cares_. She wants to save people.”

Lex seems to pause before making one more move on the chessboard.

“And what do you think Lena?”

Lacing his his fingers comfortably in his lap, he looks so much like their father after one of their shenanigans — _oddly patient_. 

_“Is that a weakness?”_

Her fists tighten in response and, Lena forces herself to swallow, breathe and calm. She feels a rattling in her chest, and it’s a combination of fear and something else entirely.

_“I don’t know.”_

Confusion fills the space.

Lena looks down and sees that it is _checkmate_. Lex’s pawn has her king by the neck and theres no way out. The most surprising fact about her brother is that he never gloats. He just looks at his opposition as if he’s teaching a lesson past it all. And looking at the chessboard, Lena thinks that it’s such an odd pattern that her brother engages in. Lex sacrifices everything of worth keeping in a gambit: rooks, bishops and knights. The only imperative is that he keeps his king safe. It is perhaps the reason why Lena has seldom managed to beat him. 

Because — she prizes her queen piece instead. 

Above all, Lena values the freedom to travel the board.

And on her way to the door, Lex’s voice calls out.

“I am glad that you are alright Lena…”

She turns slowly to face him and he finishes quietly.

_“Even if it is due to one of them…”_

All at once, it’s the brother that she has always known standing in front of her again. He’s the same person who welcomed her into the family, taught her how to use a screwdriver and attended all her parent-teacher interviews. 

She still carries the mace he’d slipped into her bag for first day of high school.

And, Lena tries to remember the importance of _loyalties_ …

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's your introduction to Lex. It was fun writing him, treading that line between classically evil and something else.
> 
> Lena and Kara have chemistry I hope!
> 
> Sorry this one was kind of long.


	4. Building Bridges

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex confronts Lena again after so many years. Metallo commits atrocities. And Lena tries to help make sense of it all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy guys!

Lena wakes up in the middle of the night to furious knocking on the door of her penthouse apartment. Her first instinct is to call Joseph. However, curiosity is a stronger force as she wonders who in the world had managed to bypass the securities to reach this level. The door opens, and Alex Danvers stands at there, mid-motion. 

“Well, I wish that I could say that this is unexpected.”

The years have been kind to Lena, and thankfully the older woman doesn’t seem to tower over her anymore. Not that it matters when Alex brusquely enters. It’s an ingrained response as Alex quickly scans the room for danger, stowaways and surveillance equipment. 

“You do, however, have my gratitude for intercepting Mr Corben that day.”

And maybe Lena should take it as a compliment when Alex finally relaxes. The short haired woman simply fixes her a knowing look.

“You clearly didn’t need it.”

There’s a hint of an accusation in there somewhere, causing Lena to smirk. She goes to the tumblers to pour herself a drink. 

“Always be prepared — isn’t that what they say?”

It’s hard to keep the taunt out of her voice as she gestures into the air and Alex snorts quietly.

“I highly doubt that you were ever a girls scout.”

The conversation feels like one of those intricate dances where at any moment someone will mis-step and fall off the precipice. They’re both playing chicken with the truth and it’s only a matter of time really. Lena rubs her brow in aggravation before dropping into the sofa. She remembers a story from the second summer.

“No… That was always something that Kara was more interested in. Even if she wasn’t given the chance.” 

And just like that, any illusion that the last ten years had been an elaborate fantasy disappears. Exhaling, Lena admits that being a stranger isn’t something she can manage. Square one is exhausting — and the snippets of information that she holds, _have anchored her life so far_. It mattered; to have tangible proof that she was someone worth trusting.

“So, how can I be of assistance, Agent Danvers.”

Her voice wraps silkily around the title. 

“It is Agent now — isn’t it?”

The older woman casts her an irritated glance and, the changes are obvious from the cool confidence to the disciplined stance.

“Kara’s going to want to be your friend.”

Shaking her head slowly, Alex waits for Lena’s to understand. 

“She likes you. She thinks that you’re strong, honest and more brilliant that the world is inclined to believe.”

Weeks after the re-naming ceremony, Kara had come into Alex’s DEO lab with bright eyes and bounce to her step. And Alex swears that recognises it; the signs of another beginning _._ However unlike the experience with James Olsen, her little sister is strangely articulate in her accolades for Lena. This time, Kara is not as confused by the details; making it seem more than infatuation. Somehow, all Alex can think is that _not much has changed..._

“She doesn’t even _know_ me.”

Lena scoffs weakly. She tenses as Alex meanders around the living space, getting closer to the lead box on the windowsill. The agent runs her index finger along the edges of the envelop stack and Lena has to fight her urge to hiss and snatch it away — _mine, mine, mine._ The CEO has lived her life in fragments; moving everywhere in an effort to run from her pedigree. She’s never bothered with luggage or trinkets, but despite it all, she also hadn’t been able to give up the contents of the case. 

Alex Danvers gives her an insufferably sympathetic look.

“Are you really sure about that?”

Her expression darkens and she posits whether ‘Katie’ had been a good enough smokescreen.  Alex, on the other hand, is exhausted. She thinks that doesn’t have the patience or inclination to rehash the past and be Lena’s personal therapist for the things that she _already knows._

“But then again, you never really gave her a chance did you?”

The agent settles for a pointed comment instead. And Alex recalls the fallout from back then; the long nights of Kara’s cries and sobs. To no avail, Alex had camped out at the PO box for weeks; just waiting for a response. But then a bad storm came —and, Joseph had been sent with a thermos, jacket and a plea for her to leave. 

Somehow, it was a _kindness,_ despite all that was going on. And it was the first time Alex pondered the vast difference between Lena and Lex. So, she mutters softly.

_“Maybe you should have…”_

Lena’s shoulders fall and she hesitates for a moment.

_“I don’t have any immediate plans to harm her Alex.”_

She watches the agent harden before her. And, Alex holds her stare and leans forward.

“Don’t have any plans at all Lena.”

With fire in her eyes and warning in her tone; these days, Alex speaks in absolutes.

“Kara’s not that same thirteen year old grieving on the sidewalk, but I will still protect her with everything that I am…”

In the end, Lena Luthor thinks that Alex Danvers is still convincing.

—

The ensuing days are a trial for the city. CADMUS introduces themselves with commentary like poison, enslave, and kill. Lena rolls her eyes at the same tired rhetoric. She’s thinks that it’s ridiculous that the world can’t seem to learn from her brother’s mistakes. The idea of aliens isn’t ideal. Humans were here first, _it’s true_. But the situation is changing. And society has always been resilient enough to adapt.

Lena believes that violence is the greater crime.

She has seen all the news about the supers meeting their match in Metallo. Her lips thin at the damage done to Metropolis in collateral. The image of Superman cradling an unconscious Supergirl is inescapable; smattered upon every screen. And Lena can honestly say that she doesn’t mind it if the blue and red never make an appearance again. _But then_ , in the quiet moments, her also mind travels to the remnant of a feeling that has been haunting her half her life. _And it all seems so unfinished._ It is perhaps what drives her to approach a distressed Kara Danvers pacing in the courtyard of the CatCo. building. 

“Kara?”

Her eyes trail over the blonde, looking for damage.  

“Oh Lena! Hello. I’m sorry. I was just—“

There isn’t any — not a scratch. There’s something to be said about Kryptonian physiology and Lena wonders if this had been the part of Superman that her brother had been most afraid of.

“How are you?”

Kara gathers herself before asking. The blonde is unsure of herself. Despite her carefree temperament, Kara has never been an expert on her own feelings. Thinking back now, she thinks that liking James had been easy — expected even, and so, so human. It was a scenario straight out of an romantic comedy about the close friend. And it’s odd because Kara still has no idea why that stopped being enough. 

Now enter Lena — who rewrites the script; causing butterflies and stuttering. Kara finds she has no frame of reference for _anything_ when the brunette tilts her head and teases.

“Better now.”

Lena smiles winningly. 

“I was actually talking with your Mr Olsen about any extra information that I might have had on Corben —”

With wide eyes, Kara manages to interrupt.

_“He’s not mine_. I mean —“

The blonde furrows her brows in consternation. She tries to organise her thoughts as James’ pained expression flashes into her mind.

“We’ve decided to be just friends.”

“It will get easier Kara. _Everything fades with time.”_

Lena rests her hand comfortingly on Kara’s shoulder. She’s surprised at how hand doesn’t burn with the touch. It’s just _warm_ , and suddenly, Lena is not entirely sure that she’s right. Because, like that same flutter that came with that thirteen year old hand shake — _some things stay._

“So, would you care to let me in on this recent bout of emotion?”

Lena asks and Kara just stares at the CEO for a while — inquisitive and pensive. Lena reflects all the lines blurring between them.

“The world is moving so fast.”

The confession is falls from Kara’s lips.

“There’s just so much happening — everything, _right now and all at once._ ”

Her voice breaks and Kara laces her hands in an effort to keep it all together. 

“Miss Grant is leaving. Snapper Carr hates me. And, despite all that Supergirl and Superman tries to do; CADMUS is now threatening National City.”

Losing focus for a moment, Kara’s hand clutches instinctively at the top button of her shirt. Lena wonders if the blonde knows that it’s something that she does. 

“I’ve even had an argument with my sister. _And we never fight._ ”

The image of Alex’s hurt and despondency stains her mind. And Kara still can’t grasp it, as Alex’s honesty felt more like an attack. Since landing on Earth, it was just important to be useful, _and not a burden_. On some level, Kara reasons that if she can just help enough people and build enough connections — then maybe, _by the virtue of being a part of people’s living memory_ — she can really belong and live on this planet with her make-shift family.

And it works — _most days._

“Despite the presence of everyone around; I just feel so alone.”

The recent events threaten that. CADMUS calls for a divide and Kara is chilled by the thought it. 

“I’m left behind. For the first time in my life, I’m not fast enough and I can’t catch up.”

The emotions she feels now are all startling similar to those first days of arrival. It’s a pervasive sense isolation as she worries about mistakes and loses the people that matter most. It’s easy to let herself believe that it’s insurmountable. But when Kara looks up, Lena is stubbornly attentive. The CEO offers an unwavering strength _that is so much like Alex_. And, Kara is suddenly reminded of all the ways that Alex had made those childhood days bearable. It was with protection from the popcorn maker, an extra share of the food and walks to the park when everything became too much. 

So, Kara gasps as her decision to move to Metropolis sounds now, more like a blow. Because, in the wake of Myriad; Kara only wanted to make Alex’s life easier. A _nd alright_ — to also be present in a mind that wouldn’t fade. After all, Clark was secure. He would be around even when everyone else expired. 

But in the end, it’s a moment of weakness. And she’s wrong — because _blood is only one type of a bond._

“Oh Ra—god, I can’t believe what I’ve said to her.”

Kara crumples. Her jaw clenches and she wants to go back. She needs to make it right. There’s something poignant about how Kara looks at the the ground and forgets everything that makes her a hero.  

“Kara…”

It is perhaps more jarring, when Lena feels a surge of protectiveness. She finds her hand guiding Kara’s head to hers. And looking into the blonde’s bright gaze, it’s some kind of a turning point. Lena exhales quietly as she falls into the role of the knight.

“Take that break that you need. You don’t have to please everyone.”

Brushing Kara’s loose strands back, Lena rests her hand on the nape of the blonde’s neck, murmuring into the space.

“I won’t claim to be an expert on the ins and outs of a media empire or terrorist organisation…”

Her fingers twitch reflexively around Kara’s neck and Lena pulls back. She’s terrified of her own intentions either way. So, she reorientates Kara’s glasses instead. She plucks a stray piece of lint from the open cardigan. And, straightening the collar of Kara’s Banana Republic shirt; Lena tries not be entranced by the pink and swallow. Kara Danvers is rapt all the while and Lena clears her throat, making a final attempt at self-preservation.

“But — a friend once told me that the crest of the supers means: stronger together.”

And perhaps ‘friend’ is not an apt description but it’s all that she’s can afford to give. She gestures kindly.

“So maybe there’s something to be taken away from them.”

Lena’s thoughts are inevitably drawn back to the letters. She remembers how the words _stronger together_ had first sounded coming out of Kara’s mouth; weighted with care and promise.

“ _Communicate_.”

The advice is half a command to Kara —and perhaps herself. She’s memorised Kara’s last paragraphs for all these years, and it’s been a trial not to respond. Lena ponders the merits of the solitude that she’s designed, as she comes to the overwhelming conclusion.

“And, perhaps calling on your loved ones won’t be the detriment you feels like it will be.”

Recalling the remarks that Alex had made about Kara and _chances;_ Lena falters. In the present scene she is still so affected the brightness in Kara’s grin. She has to close her eyes, because somehow, she’s managed to hold onto the things that Kara Danvers had taught incidentally. The notion of compassion is relentless, and Lena knows that she’s still burned by the sun.

She’s rueful as she finishes.

“Kara, from what you’ve told me about Alex, it sounds like forgiveness is already yours — should you want it.”

And if the moment had just been a little less dire or if Kara thought about it a little longer, she might have realised that she had never mentioned Alex’s name to Lena before. 

Tearing herself away, the CEO stands abruptly.

“I have to go.”

And, she’s already down at the door of her town car when she tentatively mutters under her breath. 

“Good luck Kara.”

—

A couple days later, Lena is sitting at home when the news forecast comes on. The camera pans smoothly to proud stance of the heroes; blue and black, and, blue and green. The reporters wax poetry about the courage and grace of the supers in their altercation with the Metallos. The mention the DEO; raising the importance of integration and finding a common thread.

Lena just hums to herself. She barely cares about anything as she cradles a white envelope in her hands. The folded document has remained pristine. And just _goddamn it —_ because maybe it’s finally time.Her eyes follow the overly neat handwriting, and it’s not _just_ the thirteen year old that she hears in her mind. 

Kara, in all her incarnations, is here.

_Dear Katie,_

_It’s been months since you’ve replied. I’m not sure what’s happened or if you’re are even alright. I pray to Rao that you are. And that, this silence is just because of  a mistake that I’ve made. I’d fix it in a heartbeat if you tell me how. School is fine. I’m getting better at this blending in. Alex does her best to stop the gossip._

_She tells me that you’ve probably just moved on. That ‘losing touch’ is an inevitable part of normal human relationships._

_Everything is changing. Alex is going to college. Jeremiah Danvers is missing. And you — you aren’t a friend anymore._

_It’s funny in a strange way, because I can do all these things; lift tractors, outrun a car and fly! But I’m still powerless against it all._

_Writing this letter, I don’t feel brave._

_Maybe you can teach me._

_Maybe I learn to be strong enough for the both of us._

_This earth is lonely enough already._

_Yours,_

_Kara Danvers_

—

And, Lena is not sure how bravery is measured, and if it can ever be shared. But she is willing to try. Because, maybe Kara is strong enough. And, maybe this loneliness is temporary. She guesses that they’ll find out… 

For the first time in a decade, she writes a response and _— her heart stops being lazy._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which, Alex is all of us!
> 
> I have to admit that scene where Kara said she would move to Metropolis really made me sad. And this is just me trying to reason it out.


	5. Men & Animals

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Veronica holds her fight ring, trouble ensues

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy guys. Let me know what you think =)

Alien Amnesty succeeds in parliament where it didn’t in National City. From the backs of lobbyists, politicians and the president of the United States — a new reality is born. Courts and historians scramble to accommodate the change. There are celebrations on the streets as friends and strangers come out of hiding.

Lena watches it all unfold from the top of L-Corp building, and keeps her head down. She’s the prized pig at the show, as the press and Lex’s fanatical followers clamour outside the doors.

_What does she think?_

_What would Lex say?_

_And, is she anything like her brother?_

The answers have always been simple:

She thinks that progress is inevitable. 

Lex would say that humanity is surrendering ahead of time. 

And whilst Lena loves her brother; she’s never agreed with his position.

Everyone wants to know and Lena only tells one — _Kara Danvers_. 

The CEO knows that it’s not logical at all. In fact, most days, Lena’s quite the schizophrenic hovering somewhere between self-preservation and self-betterment. Everything is confusing, but she losing herself in it and some of her corners seem a little less dark.

The alien detection prototype lays uselessly on her desk. And did you know that she _lied?_ A device five years in the making; Lena already knows that it works — _she’s tested it_. Lena has always believed in the scientific method, and a part of her still knows better than to let a super be the control group. Not that it matters. Contrary to her statements otherwise, Lena has never actually intended for it to reach the market. Unsurprisingly, the terrified expression of a thirteen year old girl always dissuades her when she tries. And now, that image is being steadily replaced by the discomfort of a young woman. But’ it’s just as compelling. So, Lena considers her motivations for trying to force the truth. Why build the device at all? Lex would claim it as a failsafe. Lena remembers her brother’s withering patience for the Clark’s truth. So, perhaps it’s a guarantee — a means at a forced interaction for the possibility that Kara might not see past the Luthor in her. At any rate, when Lena purposefully turns away; it’s a test that Kara fails. When the light goes green, the CEO smiles hollowly. She wonders at what intensity heat vision has to be at to burn the circuits. 

And they’re not ready. Kara is too cautious and Lena is reckless; eager in her destructive tendencies. In the end, Lena supposes that she thankful because, the truth would have forced some distance. In the wake of the sins of brothers and cousins; Lena values the illusion. She still hates the blue and red enough for the truth to render these interludes impossible.

Her gaze floats over the the sofa in the centre of the room. 

Briefly, she thinks about how the blonde had looked sitting in it. Kara was like a masterpiece on an undeserving canvas — but above all, she’s remarkable. Lena hadn’t expected the confession. She hadn’t expected the young reporter to reveal the misconceptions raised in her first draft of the article. Kara had admitted to rash judgements that have since been corrected. 

_Because_ — there are bad aliens out there. 

_And because_ — Lena doesn’t seem unreasonable.

Somehow, Lena is unable to stop the respect that follows. She doesn’t know who she’s referring to when she warns of the inescapability of treacherous individuals and the need to protect oneself. Throughout the chat, Lena stares at Kara Danvers with a mixture of fondness, wariness and conflict. Because, even if everything is layered in lies it’s still too easy to open up to Kara and let the occasional part of herself slip.

—

So when Kara strides into her office, asking her about Veronica Sinclair — Lena is of two minds. Part of her wants to send the blonde away, because she can’t be this person for her; the friend to turn to. But the greater part? The one that keeps sitting down when she should just leave; offers Kara an obstacle free path to her office. Lena ignores the shock on her secretary’s face and it is by sheer fortune alone, that Lena also doesn’t care much for her boarding school ex-grilfriend. 

Kara is grateful. _Of course she is._ But, Lena is hardly her first option. And Kara speaks of paying back the debt as if it’s something Lena might actually care about.

Still, Lena is quietly worried when the blonde leaves. 

She remembers that ‘Roulette’ possesses a stash of kryptonite; stolen from one of Lex’s many warehouses. 

So there’s a pause, as she tells Joseph to prepare the car. 

—

“Well, what do you know.. The great Lena Luthor — in my neck of the woods.”

Lena turns around slowly, maintaining a bored stare. She finishes the last of her scotch and waits for the grandstanding to be over. And Veronica is hardly original as she slides into the stool opposite her. With sharp canines and a lascivious sneer, the tattooed woman reaches out for her hand. 

“Aren’t you a long way from your ivory tower and moral high ground?”

And Lena can play the game. Refusing to flinch; she gives her hand to the other woman. Veronica eyes glitter as she laces their fingers together and lifts it up into the light. She’s almost nostalgic when her voice drops.

“What would Lex say?”

The mention of her brother causes Lena to falter. Lex had never gotten along with Veronica, too good at seeing past the woman’s accommodating veneer. He had consoled Lena all night when she had caught her girlfriend in the arms of another. And later on, amidst the catastrophes, he’s still in her corner as he tells her that losing his precious green stones were a small price for the troublesome Sinclair to be out of Lena’s life. 

So, Lena sighs tiredly. She repeats his words.

“To stay away from you and your psychotics.”

Veronica chuckles lowly; tightening her grip.  Lena finally has enough as she glances quickly at the fighting ring. She can barely keep the disgust from her tone.

“What is wrong with you Veronica?”

The defeated alien is sprawled out; in pain and resigned. Lena turns away from the killing blow and it’s _sickening_ — because this one still bleeds red. 

“There’s a difference between entrepreneurism and exploitation!”

Growling, Lena thinks at the bare tenants of morality must be observed —and _especially during times like these_. Because if not; then they might as well relinquish the earth. They didn’t deserve to inherit it.

“Come on, it’s hardly as if they actually feel. At least not like that we do.”

Veronica tuts, shaking her head. She just pats Lena on jaw as she taunts.

“And, do you think that if the tables were turned that they wouldn’t do the same to us? That we wouldn’t be their pets?”

And Lena _doesn’t know._ She can’t. She has no idea what amount of pressure would cause a Martian or Kryptonian to buckle. She’s not even sure if their sensory neurones compute the data in the same way because, Superman and Supergirl can _bounce bullets_. And if vulnerability is an indicator for humanity, _then the aliens are really so far from it._ They might not _feel_ and what would that mean for all of her moments with Kara? Do they hold merit?

Veronica lets the silence go on. And ok, maybe somewhere deep down she’s sorry for how their relationship played out. Because, Veronica was the product of Wall Street wolves in her desire to dominate. And, Lena Luthor was always far too young — and a little too kind to belong in that world. 

So, gathering the CEO’s attention now, Veronica speaks honestly.

“Love them or despise them Lena, — you can’t afford to stay on the fence forever.”

She squeezes their hands together one last time, before leaning forward to whisper.

_“And I would advise that you pick a side before it is chosen for you.”_

Lena doesn’t get a chance to respond as Supergirl crashes in.

“Oh look, it seems like my safe bet came through.”

Veronica rolls her eyes dryly.

The House of El crest is the clearest thing as the brawl begins. It’s impossible to turn away as Lena watches superhero throw a horned figure three times her size into the chainlink. It’s hard not to be intimidated by that. Lena can’t help thinking that this is _nothing like the girl she knows._  

“It’s alright. I needed a break anyway.”

Veronica taps her cheek in thought. She watches the scene amusedly.

“Perhaps a few months in Maui will do the trick.”

And there’s an uproar, as the last challenger falls. Veronica’s guards are taken down by the police and the DEO. But she remains nonchalant throughout. She simply notes the points of weakness in this current iteration of the fight ring and files it away for later.

Letting go of Lena’s hand, Veronica stands to slink away from the mayhem.

“Oh and Lena?”

The CEO looks up.

_“We’ll call this even now.”_

Veronica lets out a dark chuckle. Because from the moment that Lena had set foot into the warehouse, it was always obvious that she had told the Super about this location.

Quietly, Lena meets her stare. _They both know that there will be consequences for a second time._  

—

After Veronica disappears, Lena moves to leave as well.

She’s almost to the door when there’s a gust of wind and she’s pulled back by strong fingers clasped around her wrist.

_“What are you doing here?”_

And it’s definitely not Kara who is speaking. 

No, instead, _Supergirl —_ has has a stern face and furious glare, as she continues to push.

“How can you be a part of _this_?”

The voice cracks with emotion. And just by the conviction of hurt displayed on the hero’s face, Lena is almost convinced that she’s the transgressor in all this. 

“Making us fight? _Kill_?”

The hold on her tightens subconsciously, and Lena has to fight to be in control of her mind. Supergirl leans forward in frustration and fatigue.

_“_ And, _we’re_ supposed to be the dangerous ones…”

Fear and resentment war in Lena’s mind as she refuses to flinch. Instead, she’s just as challenging towards the hero, because — _what gave her the right?_ Lena sneers at the righteousness in the blonde’s countenance.

“Let — _go_.”

It’s hard to pin point when it all went wrong and what Supergirl’s first error was. Lena glares pointedly at her captive arm as she hisses.

“ _Now_.”

The command in her tone is absolute, fuelled by an unexpected despair over Kara’s distrust of her.  It seems to shock the hero out of her worked up state because Supergirl stumbles back in shock. The apology is instantaneous in her wide eyes and her face crumples when she watches Lena check her wrist gingerly. Unmistakably, there is a angry red mark where her hand used to be and it’s going to look a lot worse before the night is over. Supergirl seems frozen in place, trapped in a cycle of emotions. Her eyes flicker to Lena in concern, and a part of her almost reaches out. However, there’s also a sense of _duty_. In the red and blue, Kara has the weight of the alien population on her shoulders — and she can’t afford to be weak in her defence of them.

But if Kara is being a little more honest, perhaps her reaction isn’t only just that. Maybe, it is also in response to the sight of Lena and Veronica too. She remembers the twisting of her gut when she had landed into the arena, privy their intwined hands. It was a flash of _something_ that seemed a lot more developed than the twinges that she used to feel around Lucy and James. 

“I — I’m sorr—“

Kara _tries,_ but it’s not nearly enough. And after everything; Lena is still bold enough to step into the hero’s space.

“Save it.”

The sharpness of the tone is cutting. Lena eyes flash warningly. 

“Perhaps you should curb your propensity for bias Supergirl. After all, L _ex wasn’t always the villain of the story either_.”

Kara isn’t really breathing when Lena moves back. Running her hands through her hair irritatedly, there’s a thickness to the CEO’s voice when she addresses the hero again. 

“I gave a friend the details to this event, and I was concerned about her safety.”

Lena lets out a disbelieving laugh.

“Turn out, I needn’t have bothered.”

Fixing her gaze at the the blonde; there’s a frightening venom to her sneer.

_“Because she isn’t anywhere near.”_

And, Kara finally feels the cost of the suit.

—

“Alien Amnesty…My, how the times have changed.”

Lex’s light tone is the first thing she hears when the elevator door opens. 

“It’s hard to believe that the human race could be this arrogant. To assume that we can tag them and domesticate them into society…”

A rich chuckle reverberates in the cavernous room and Lex turns around to face his sister. He smiles sarcastically as he gestures into the space.

“As if they couldn’t snap our necks without the slightest provocation.”

Lena doesn’t say anything. After the events of the day she has nothing to offer and she is not one to put forth arguments that she’s not certain about. So she just closes her eyes and lets the tenor of her brother’s voice lull her into some sense of tranquility. And Lex lets it happen. He’s gracious as he offers her a space in his prison and picks up a book. 

And eventually, when enough time has passed; his eyes will drift to Supergirl’s accidental bruising. He’ll gesture to the blue and purple limb, and ask.

“So, tell me — _is she more man or animal?”_

And Lena thinks about the storm that had been in Kara’s eyes. 

True, it was an accident —but in the end, it was still _one that had been made_. 

And Lex looks at his sister sympathetically. He’ll wear a wry smile when finally he speaks.

“ _Perhaps then, the only true solution is to put the animal down…”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooooh Lex is my favourite to write. Such a questionable character. Anybody warming up to Lex?
> 
> Poor Kara. Veronica was definitely Lena's boarding school girlfriend I swear...


	6. Gratitude & Something Else

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The fundraiser Gala

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys. Apologies for the delay. Hopefully this makes up for it. Enjoy.

Before Lena knows it, the Children’s Fundraiser Benefit is around the corner.

She gets inundated with memos about security measures, catering and the _guest list._ And alright, it’s her own fault really, because she should have delegated. However, the monotony of the tasks take her mind off Kara — and micro-managing helps her think. It accords her a level of control that she’s missing in other parts of her life. 

In the days since the fight ring, Kara has been too distressed to approach, and Lena keeps her distance. Her brother’s words echo in her mind and she’s just trying to give the fluttering in her chest a chance against his cold rationality. In the confines of her home, she pours over old letters — and she ends up on one from the very beginning.

The aged tear-stained paper tells of a young girl that had stayed in her room for _fifteen_ days because she had accidentally hurt an older boy — _a bully._ Kara had defended a classmate, and in her haste to put herself between the assailant, Kara had pushed too _hard_. The boy had flown back into the metal trash bin. There was a need for stitches, and despite the heroics of the act, Kara’s heart was still too compassionate to feel anything but a crushing sense of shame. So the young blonde had taken herself and her abilities out of the equation. 

_Eventually_ , Alex had managed to convince her sister out of it, but the events seemed to linger in everyone’s memory. Lena sighs. If she had been in the blonde’s place she probably would have committed more than a simple shove and she would’ve have felt vindicated doing it. So Lena feels a bit unbalanced. She realises that in her attempts to digest their recent interaction; perhaps she has locked them _both_ away instead — forcing their isolation.

Lena thinks that the current emptiness feels so much like _missing a fifteen year old Kara Danvers_.  

And she still has one invitation left. 

So, Lena thinks about life and _choices_. 

Picking up a coat with sleeves long enough to cover the bruises; she makes her way to CatCo and invites Kara to the gala. The blonde looks at her with a powerful mixture of joy, surprise and reverence. And somehow, when Lena says that it would mean a lot to her if Kara came — it feels more like a truth than a lie… 

And, _Mike_ of the interns, is a concession that she is willing to make.

—

“Agent Danvers — I have to say that I’ve never envisioned you as the donut eating type.”

Alex, eating sugar in the middle of the day is the last thing that Lena expects to see as she makes her way back to the L-Corp tower. In her civilian gear, the short haired woman carries a slightly different air. Watching the irritability and consternation appear; Lena thinks that Alex emotes better this way. The agent seems to assess her for a moment and Lena slows her stride. She waits for Alex to make her way to her.

“How did you know?”

Lena tilts her head at the seriousness of the tone.

“Know what?”

The next words catch her off guard.

_“That you liked women.”_

It would be easy to tease, and blow out the implications of the statement. It would certainly give Lena the upper hand in any of their future dealings. But Alex is confused and agitated like Lena has never seen. And because she has always respected the woman; Lena tries to make is easier.  She doesn’t miss a beat in her quip.

“I went to an all girls boarding school Alex.”

Lena receives a glare at the non-answer and exhales slowly. She gestures to the doors of L-Corp in the distance and Alex understands. The agent matches her pace and they just walk together. They are passing another street vendor when Lena finally starts talking

“When I was younger, I was determined to find someone worth my time; in both intelligence and emotion.”

Chuckling to herself, she catches the agent’s gaze.

“I was thirteen when I did.”

And there’s no debate. No vetting of the truth that they’ve had to live with all those years. The ease of the confession scares Lena. Part of her wonders if the what the other shoe might look like, but Alex Danvers holds the current focus. 

“Also, I suppose in my later years, I realised that it was hardly my responsibility to assuage the ruffled feathers of society. I guess I just didn’t think it fair that a generation of close-minded idiots should tell me how to feel — let alone, _who_ to feel it towards…”

Alex stiffens at the mention of the others and Lena stops, placing a comforting hand on the other woman’s shoulder. After reading all the articles about deviancy and conversion camps; Lena makes sure that she is clear.

“The arguments against gender are _archaic_ and arbitrary.

But, Lena misunderstands. Because, on some level Alex has always known about her preferences, and her problem has never been about the supposed sin of it all. No. Instead, _Alex’s_ weakness has always been about ‘falling short,’ whether it be academic, social or professional. _So, she tries to control the variables._

During high school she studied until the textbooks didn’t make sense anymore. And when J’onn inducted her into the DEO, Alex spent so much time in the sparring area that her blood stains some of the mats. She even forces herself to date the stereotypes because they would look good in the pictures for on the mantle — and of course, _grandchildren._

Being gay: it’s the opposite of the rules that she has lived by. And ‘coming out,’ means opening up a new audience to answer to and wilfully surrendering any power she has over the situation. So why would she do that? 

It’s just never been important before.

But then, there’s Maggie _Goddamn_ Sawyer. 

With her suave confidence and her dimples; Maggie builds Alex up with teamwork, pool games and after-work beers. She teaches and pulls at Alex, until the agent finally believes that she can be strong enough to deal with the aftermath — of possibly letting even strangers down. Until Alex just feels like she _enough, overall_ … 

And somehow, _after all that_ , Alex has a hard time thinking that Maggie isn’t _important_. 

“Have you found someone worth your time Agent Danvers?"

The silence is telling and Alex looks up with an awareness that isn’t there before. 

Recalling the masked woman that had been by Alex’s side during the fight club scuffle; Lena closes her eyes. Conclusions were always the best part of doing problems. And despite the host of other factors playing chase in Alex’s head — those are also battles that have nothing to do with Lena. Instead, those will be won by Alex’s family and the value of the person that holds her affections.

In the end, Alex still hasn’t answered the question and Lena doesn’t really care at all. They’ve finished with the topic and Lena looks down at the incessant calendar notifications on her phone. There’s still so much left in the day but Alex still seems to pause for a while. The agent has a calculating stare before coming to some sort of decision. 

“Potstickers.”

_“What?”_

Alex meets Lena’s confusion with an aggravated sigh. She gestures to the planning book peeking out of the CEO’s bag.

“Include potstickers in the canapés for the fundraiser.”

And, Lena doesn’t know quite how to respond to the surreality a black budget military scientist advising her about the various dietary accoutrements for her event. But Alex doesn’t seem to care. She types something quickly into her phone and within seconds Lena looks down at the buzzing in her hand. It’s the address of Chinese Restaurant in New York City. 

She meets the softness in Alex’s gaze.  
  
“Kara’s stomach and her heart might as well be the same organ.”

And with that, the agent is already halfway down the street. Lena doesn’t get a chance to counter, and she swears that she hears a amused chuckle coming from her left. The CEO finds herself glaring at a smirking Joseph as he opens the door for her exaggeratedly. 

—

CADMUS is a thorn in everyone’s side, including her own. The organisation gives criminals weapons and a means to further their greed. Lena doesn’t understand how anyone can be so short-sided. The intent to harm is already a terrifying thing — but to have the execution as well? _That_ — is just a trap that humanity will always fall into. 

Lena _knows_ this, She’s grown up on it: that twisted need to manipulate and to be better than others. So, despite the protests in her mind, she ends up knocking on Kara’s apartment door. She pretends like she’s never met Alex and swallows her distaste. 

It’s an exercise in humility, as Lena makes a request for Supergirl.

—

She’s not really surprised when one of the first things said are ‘you can’t do this.’ Because although  Supergirl seems contrite; the hero is also cautious and authentic in her desire to keep the public safe. The hero keeps her hands at her waist in that cliche power pose and Lena wonders if that’s Kara trying to maintain control somewhere in there. Lena watches the blonde move deeper into the room, putting the desk between them and — it almost seems like the hero might be afraid. 

Lena wonders if Supergirl is more worried about harming or caring about her. Blue eyes widen, as Lena closes some of the gap. Lena makes her way purposely to the front of the desk. 

And, the CEO will admit she’s caught off guard by the hero’s analysis on her risk-taking and the incessant ‘ _whys_.’

So when she stands and Supergirl seems to freeze; Lena talks about _fear_ and the futility wallowing it. She ends up in front the hero with a challenge — _a dare_ to believe in a good Luthor. And, Lena thinks that she might be one of the few people in the world to see a super fold. Because, Kara concedes about the importance of individual merits. She smiles at Lena like she’s willing judge Lena on hers. And alright, the CEO is just being a little brazen when she says that she’ll see _both_ Kara and the hero at the event.

—

Lena is dusting the cobwebs of her navy dress when Supergirl makes her way to her. She thinks that she really needs to talk to the maintenance crew about cleaning underneath the stage in the event of future life-saving feats of engineering. She’ll give Mr Schott his dues though. He was probably wasting his talents at his current job, whatever it is. She wonders if she’ll be able to sway him towards L-Corp’s Research and Development Division.

However, despite the rescue, it’s obvious that the adventure is mostly over. Lena frowns, and the evening is yet another failed attempt to garner the city’s good will. National City PD swarms the building, removing dumb and dumber from the scene. The photon guns that Lena had been hoping to get a peak at is gone, snatched quickly by the authoritative hands of the DEO. The only silver lining appears to be the lack of debris as Supergirl zips around to restore the scene. 

And, at least National City’s richest aren’t threatening the usual law suits; seemingly placated by the superhero’s presence. Briefly, Lena thinks about how much more in donations she can squeeze out of them with the blue and red by her side.

“I’m — Thank you for being here. For giving me a chance.”

The stumbling words are decidedly _not_ the assured assertiveness that she’d been aiming for but Lena doesn’t mind. She’s _trying_ — she’s working towards civility. 

An anguished hesitation crosses the the hero’s face. And biting her lip, Supergirl whispers quietly. 

“I _want_ to believe that you’re good.”

Because, Lena Luthor is remarkable. And despite her deceit about the real purpose of the gala, she also succeeds in taking the robbers down. The CEO keeps _saving Kara — from the possibility of losing her sister with Corben and now, photon blasts as well_.

It feels monumental.

“Well, I guess time will tell won’t it?”

Lena answers stiffly.

“Now, if you would excuse me. I should be returning to my companion for the evening.”

Staring pointedly at the blonde, she softens her expression.

“ _I fear that I have been more absent than I’d like.”_

And Supergirl seems to transition to a ball of nerves in front of her; blushing quite madly. 

Lena walks away, closing her eyes at the sound of the _whoosh._ Taking a slow breath, she pastes a smile on her face as she makes her rounds. The gap in time is as much an opportunity for Kara to reorientate as it is for Lena to forget the image of Kara with the crest. 

“So I must apologise Kara. It turns out that I’ve been a terrible date.”

Lena’s voice comes in from the left and Kara swings around in attention. Putting the potstickers down, she’s jarred by the changes in the CEO, who now looks at her with undisguised affection. Lena is more open somehow — and more forgiving about her own weaknesses around Kara when she’s not Supergirl.

“Although, I suppose that I didn’t want to intrude on your time with Mike of the interns.”

“Mon E — Mike?”

Kara shudders at the implication.

“No. No. NO! _Gross_ …”

Her hands fly around awkwardly and she wonders what that dance looked like in the eyes of everyone else. She can’t help it as her face twists into a confused disgust. Kara steps forward. She makes sure to hold the other woman’s stare. 

“Don’t worry about him. He’s my —“

Her mind blanks and only one thing comes out.

“— cousin.”

And if she was thinking harder about the situation, she’d ask herself why it is so important that Lena understands the situation. The _not dating Mon El part_. Cringing to herself, Kara thinks that she really needs to work on better non-romantic designations than ‘cousin.’ 

Maybe Alex can teach her.

_“Another cousin?”_

Lena has mischief in her eyes as she waves the struggling conversation away. Tonight, she’s not in the mood to dig around for a reason to keep her distance. She just wants to know that she didn’t let the chance of Kara in that dress go. Lena would like to think that she’s smarter than that. 

“Still, maybe we can salvage some part of the evening.”

Gesturing to the dance floor, she extends her hand. Lena’s a little surprised by how much she wants this.

“Would you like to dance?”

“In junior prom — I stepped on Scott Cline’s foot and broke his foot in three places.”

A fidgeting Kara blurts out. And, it’s a new fragment of Kara Danvers that Lena will hang onto. She laughs quietly, pondering about how much of the blonde’s growing up that she has missed out on in her haste to reject the blue and red.

“I am willing to chance it.”

But, maybe — this is how she catches up.

“Somebody recently informed me that I like to take risks…”

Tilting her head, Lena closes in; murmuring into Kara’s ear. 

_“And I think that you might be one worth the costs.”_

There’s pause and their gaze drops to Lena’s bare left wrist. She had taken the leather cuff off when she had been fixing the black box device and the bruises have since faded into a sickly yellow. You’d only ever see a handprint if you already knew. But Kara still withers a bit. Her expression falls and a glossy film appears in her eyes. She only _just_ manages a choked out response.

“I’m sorry.”

The first tear runs down her cheeks. Lena lifts her fingers to wipe it away. _And nobody is ever a pretty crier…_ Even, Kara isn’t an exception to that as her frame begins to shake.

“It’s not your fault right?”

Lena is subdued when she asks. It’s not like Lena actually expects the truth to come out as the blonde flinches. Instead, Kara cradles the wrist tenderly and there’s a conflict raging within her.

_“I’m still sorry…”_

Kara whispers solemnly. She just doesn’t want another lie as she thumb rubs the inside of the pale limb. Kara’s just running on instinct now. Lena coughs at the intensity of the touch and she pulls back slightly to lace their fingers together instead. 

An unspoken question exists in her eyes and Kara finds herself nodding tentatively. The band begins to play and their bodies fall into the appropriate stance.

Both woman are smiling as they start a diagonal box step. The motion isn’t as smooth like it is with Mon El. There are always going to be discrepancies when you pair humans up with aliens. There’s a little to much speed and force as Kara excitedly spins Lena out. 

_It’s worth it, you know…_

The error causes them to giggle uncharacteristically as the blonde reaches forward into a coordinated pivot twist. She catches the CEO in her arms. Lena braces her hand on Kara’s bicep as she tries to control her breath. Despite her ballroom lessons, Lena’s shocked by her ability to let the other woman lead. She didn’t know she could be vulnerable like that. Under the twinkling lights of the pier, Lena sighs quietly, leaning her head on Kara’s strong shoulders. _Because it’s easier —_ the power behind the emotions in her chest aren’t as terrifying when she can’t see the blue peeking under the collar. 

_She thinks that she can trust them now._

—

Lena takes Kara home at the end of the night.

Ignoring Joseph’s grin, she walks the blonde to her apartment and _lingers_. And perhaps they’re both at a loss about their roles in this because, Kara rushes forward to touch her lips to the CEO’s cheek. The blonde lingers a little as well, trying to commit the quickened breaths to memory…

When Kara’s back in the safety of her apartment; she’ll no idea what to do about this strange fairytale. _Because in this case_ , the chariot is a big black limousine. And the prince is someone caught in between two states; equal parts suspicion and devotion. 

_Lena Luthor looks at Kara as if the expectation is to devastate…_

—

“I believe congratulations are in order, dear sister.”

Lena watches as Lex makes a grand display of an applause. His eyes twinkle under the harsh florescent lights, and there’s something in his smile that might approximate pride.

“ _A black body generator…_ I venture that even I might not have exhibited that sort of genius in time.”

The admission makes time stop. She’s suddenly back in the Luthor manor, tinkling with electronics in her brother’s room. Lena recalls Lex’s patient explanations as he taught her things that felt so impossible; atoms, anti-matter and beyond. She flexes her fingers at her sides. His hands had always been careful as he helped her grip the drill-bit that was still a little too big. 

In all the ways that mattered, Lex had been the one to teach her how to make fantasy come to life.  Lena feels a rush of love that quickly gives way to anger. And, it’s incomprehensible really — _for such genius to be locked away._

“Don’t flatter with lies, Lex. You were never any good at it.”

The man chuckles. There’s no point in arguing. To his annoyance; his little sister had never taken well to compliments. Like any other Luthor, she was always entirely too self sufficient. But in the quiet moments, Lex does feel _some_ regret. It wasn’t a quality that he wanted her to pick up. Briefly, he considers who Lena would have grown into — had she been placed into a more conventional family. Because, maybe then they would be talking about her squabbles with her workmates _instead of the all powerful beings that play masquerade in the streets._

But, this is not that — and there are more pressing discussions to be had. 

“If this incident serves any lesson at all, it is that despite what the world believes — we do not require anything from them.”

Dropping into his seat, Lex focusses all his attention on his sister. He hopes that she isn’t so far gone that the truth won’t touch her. He holds out his hand patiently and it’s automatic that Lena gives him hers. Lex draws two letters into her palm. And, it’s the exact same thing he did when Lionel and Lillian first brought her home at four years old — ‘L.L.’ Back then, he told her that those were his initials too, and that _that_ made them family — _stronger than blood ever could_. Lena supposes that it wasn’t until later that she realised that Lex was actually short for Alexander and that none of it made sense. But by then, it no longer mattered. They were already thick as thieves.

“Their elevation to the place of gods is a fallacy that strives to indenture us to them.”

She’s reminded to trust in him now and her jaw tightens at the connotation in his words. And, Lena finds herself wondering if her brother can somehow see the the changes in her that Kara’s lips left behind…

Staring curiously at his sister; Lex thinks that he recognises the flicker of rebellion. His tone drops.

_“Gratitude is so often mistaken for something else, Lena.”_

Lex frowns and it is someone harder who speaks next. 

_“Do not let yourself fall into the trap of it.”_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lex has the best advice ever even if it's as creepy as all hell.
> 
> Some progress. They're going to get there!
> 
> Let me know if you have some thoughts =)


	7. Dichotomy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena has been watching Kara all night and she can't help but think that the world has the superhero all wrong...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the lateness guys. Work has been relentless and writers block was a pain. Hopefully this more than makes up for it!

As it turns out, even if Lena has no intentions to be cruel — _the greater world does_.

Over the week, CADMUS’ campaign kicks into high gear as fear becomes the only currency worth dealing in. There are posters stuck to every wall and cable hacks on every television set. Reports of civil unrest, property defacement and increased alien hospitalisations flood in. Volions have cranial sutures from broken beer bottles and little Rotakan children are afraid to attend school. And perhaps because the crime is ‘ _intolerance’_ — nobody really realises the state of emergency that they’re in. 

In the end, it’s all so distressing as the overwhelming message seems to be: pick a side, pick a side, _pick a side…_

_Before one is chosen for you._

Veronica’s earlier remark haunts Lena’s mind and a part of her marvels that this would be the first time that the tattooed woman and her brother actually saw eye to eye on something. Somehow, it’s certainly hard to say that that doesn’t mean anything…

Growling into her hands, Lena’s gaze travels to the latest Tribune headline — ‘Supergirl: A Threat National City Didn’t See Coming.’ 

The article is brilliant. It is both well argued and surprisingly _balanced_ despite the overall stamp of disapproval. Snapper Carr’s name stands proudly on the byline. But what is shocking — is the fact that _Kara’s name follows second_. And Lena closes her eyes in pity… She wonders how much of a toll it took for the blonde to help write that. 

For Kara has always been an extension of justice — _and unfortunately_ , freedom of the press has always been a tenant to a fair existence. 

After all; the media can’t always be on your side all the time.

S _o welcome to the middle ground._

It’s one hour to midnight when Lena is saved from her indecision. She opens the door to a drenched Kara Danvers; lost and disconsolate. The lightning from the window causes them both to flinch. And although the blonde can fly and air dry herself in seconds; maybe the rain is a better mask for the tears that won’t stop. So, without a word, Lena steps aside and pushes her door that little bit wider. She offers the Kara sanctuary on her couch and goes to turn up the heater. 

And, Lena knows that she doesn’t have to — that Kryptonians don’t actually _feel_ cold…but she can’t help it. She still hasn’t found it in herself to send any of her recently written letters — so this is how she _cares_. 

Handing the blonde a change of clothes and a blanket; Lena knows that this is how she _begins to love_. 

They really don’t speak. They pretend like the tendency to run to each other is _normal_ and the steady impact of the rain against the bay windows provides a calming pace to their emotions. Lena sits curled up on the single armchair. Her fountain pen is precarious in the groove of her ear and she has an unfinished L-Corp brief in her lap. It’s a tranquil scene as stray strands of her loose bun manages to frame her face. 

Kara, on the other hand hides behind a curtain of blonde. The reporter is pensive and uncharacteristically quiet as she nurses a mug of hot chocolate and nibbles at a set of pastries that Lena swears that she doesn’t even remember getting. 

Somehow, there’s solace in the silence.

And when Lena feels brave enough, she’ll take a glance towards the notepad that Kara seems so fixated on. It’s Snapper Carr’s revision of the the blonde’s next article. Red pen markings cut across the page like a psychopath hacking up a body. And whilst the overly harsh berating might be designed to inspire — it does a far better job of crippling instead. The editor corrects Kara’s suppositions until the blonde doesn’t recognise her own writing anymore; losing her original point in all of it. And, as those Tribune issues keep flying off the newsstands; Kara becomes a little more unsure as to whether the abrasive man is actually wrong about any of it.

Lena is kind as she puts down her work and digs around under the coffee table for something. The CEO comes up with a questioning brow and a worn box with yellow letters emblazoned on it — _Scrabble_. It’s the game that she used to play with Lex when she first entered the Luthor clan; a common interest. And it’s also the game Kara had played with the Danvers every Friday night growing up; a way to help her integrate her vocabulary. 

So maybe, tonight — it can also be the game Kara and Lena play together as well, extending the fond memories already attached to it.

A large smile takes over Kara’s expression as a little of the day begins to fade away. Lena finds herself charmed by the reporter’s resilience. There are so many things in the world that seeks to drag us down but Kara has somehow managed the feat of an indomitable spirit. 

So, they engage. They snort, joke and _laugh,_ as they learn to give themselves a clean slate — _seven tiles at a time._

And by the end of it all, when the blonde manages to tell a story with her letters in words like ‘exalt, virtue, probity’ —  Lena can’t help but that that Snapper is entirely wrong about the Kara’s grasp on the English language…

 _Because, Lena has been watching Kara Danvers since she was thirteen._  

While Lena has no idea what kind of high school habits and inadequacies run rampant in that media bullpen; she’s sure that Kara Danvers is undoubtedly gifted. 

And so perhaps, Snapper Carr is the one who _can stand to learn some restraint…_

—

It’s 3AM when another batch of criminals with extra-normal modifications shatter the peace. The newscaster’s panicked voice echoes in the living room as the cameraman shakes in his attempts to capture the debacle. And although the city has already vilified their heroes — the human race still has the nerve to call for their assistance. 

For a moment, everything freezes. Kara looks up with an odd sense of trepidation and she’s fiddling with the button on her shirt. The recent backlash of CADMUS flashes into her mind and she _hesitates_. It’s the first time that she’s been so conflicted in her duty to help. Because, in the confines of Lena Luthor’s penthouse — _she’s safe_. And somehow, she’s strangely attached to being a Danvers over a Zor-El. 

The blue and red is worlds away as ‘ _Supergirl'_ isn’t the person that Lena is asking nor _needing_ her to be.

Lena, on the other hand, just observes at the flurry of thoughts that seem to pass through Kara’s mind. For a moment, the CEO ponders on the importance of decisions and the right to make them. So after a beat, she gets up and leaves the room. _She mentions that she’s cold and that she just needs to grab something_ …

And Lena wishes that she could say that she’s surprised by what happens next. 

The CEO returns to an empty living room and an open balcony door. Tacked onto the fridge is an apology in an hastily written note.  
  
_‘I’m sorry Lena but something came up at CatCo. I’ll try and be back as soon as I can. But, please don’t be concerned. Thank you for all that you have done for me - Kara’._

_—_

The whole disaster unfolds on her 70-inch flatscreen. Coloured crystals rearrange themselves into a crystal clear image. And as Supergirl’s grim expression takes centerstage; Lena almost wishes that she hadn’t gotten such a high quality one. The CEO recoils — and she thinks that she’s been in too many boardrooms to mistake the unforgiving sense of disapproval underlying that calm mask. 

Without taking her gaze away from the events, Lena types a number into her phone. The dialling tone echoes through the room.

“Danvers.”

“ _Agent_.”

There’s a burst of static as the intense background noise causes the connection to waver. Alex’s exasperation is the first thing that sounds clear as she sighs into earpiece.

“Lena, what do you want?”

The rat-a-tat-tat of an assault rifle jumps in and there are grenades impacting in the distance. For a moment, Alex’s authoritative voice fades out as she yells at supposed members of her team to clear the route and cover the civilians. 

“To talk.”

Lena’s answer is almost flippant as she pours herself a wine glass and settles into the sofa. Because here’s the thing — _thanks to the supers_ , she has spent most of her formative years always trying to survive some sort of battleground. The CEO recalls every scathing protest and slur from her college years as so many young idealists tried to prove their morality by being eager to condemn a Luthor. 

Lena was _eighteen_ when she sat in an uncomfortable hospital chair, waiting for Joseph to come out of surgery. It had been three bullet wounds to the abdomen intended for her.

And it was the physical evidence of the world’s desire to believe that Superman is _good_ —and that the hero was _right_.

“Is now really the best time?”

So, Lena doesn’t really give a damn as she ignores Alex’s incredulous tone. She simply rolls her eyes and sneers. 

“No time like the present.”

There’s a pause as Alex seems to stop. The agent lets out an aggravated growl as she recognises the sharp edge to Lena’s statements. Somehow, her silence is as much of a permission as she is willing to give for CEO to proceed. 

There’s a telltale beep as Lena gets transferred to a private line.

“Tell me, how much of that is Kara?”

The question is drawled lazily.

“Is she — with her enhanced senses affected by the barbarity of it all?” 

The CEO sighs. 

“ _The sight of red?_ ”

And Lena admits that she might be betrayed by the obvious curiosity within the questions. The camera pans, and the audience is introduced to the perpetrators’ faces. The stockier one has a swollen shut eye, misaligned nose and steady stream of blood trailing down his jaw. He’s every bit maniacal as he throws his weight into a second pass at the hero.

_“The crunch of breaking bones…”_

He fails, and fall victim to his hubris. 

Lena inhales sharply as the harsh impact of his fist against Supergirl’s defensive stance causes a reverberating crack. Time seems to slow as the hero tries to disarm him with a hold on his forearm. The _twist_ — leads to a sickening sound as the man drops helplessly to his knees.

_“And the feeling of someone before her giving away…”_

In the end, the modified human is easily defeated. He’s cradling his injured limb to his chest as the wide zoom of the footage serves as a reminder of the _senseless_ _violence of it all._

Government agents start to remand the criminals into custody, and Alex is pensive as she listens to Lena breathe. Running a frustrated hand through her hair, Alex takes stock of her little sister who stays on scene. Kara is vigilant as she hovers protectively around the DEO agents, _determined to be of some sort of assistance_. From a third party point of view, Supergirl is the picture of confidence, _but Alex knows better._  

Because, Alex Danvers _knows_ about long nights of pizza and ice-cream. Alex has had to be the one to convince Kara forcefully about the costs of the the greater good. 

And, contrary to what the media purports, it is actually impossible to be a hero all of the time. So, Alex closes her eyes and repeats the the same thing to Lena that she has always told Kara.

_“They’re bad people Lena. They’ve hurt others and are going to do worse.”_

She hopes that the CEO might understand. 

Lena seems to hum softly before responding.

“And Alex, do you ever wonder if good and evil… _right and wrong_ — is just another misdrawn line?”

It’s somehow, a throw-back to their conversation beside the donut truck and Alex shifts uncomfortably.  

“How did your romantic endeavours pan out, Alex?”

The question is innocent, and the surprising product of genuine interest and care. Alex thinks that she has long since gotten used to Lena Luthor’s tendency to abruptly change gears. Because, like everything else about the mysterious woman, Lena’s thoughts seem to be an ordered chaos; the mismatch between head over heart. 

There’s a plea for guidance and a diversion embedded in the question. Alex closes her eyes in resignation and mutters under her breath. 

_“Better than yours.”_

The agent acquiesces, as recent events return to the forefront. 

At first, there’s Maggie with her sparkling brown eyes and soft hands that just seem to fit into all the corners of Alex that used to seem so empty. Then there’s Kara who takes too much onto herself; so contrite over Alex’s adolescent confusion. And, Alex doesn’t think that she’ll ever find the words to explain what ‘ _I’ll get the alien. You get the girl’_ could even begin to mean… 

She’s finally _strong_ even as falls into her little sister’s arms with a choked laugh of relief.

Eliza Danvers is a revelation, firm in her assertion that ‘exceptional’ is not something limited by sexuality — but bolstered by it. 

Alex touches her lips at a memory. She remembers beer and pizza forgotten by the counter, as both she and Maggie learn that they’ve found good enough reasons to be brave in each other. 

And now, in the present time, Alex is willing to gamble that despite all the counterarguments provided by Kara’s alias — that Lena Luthor feels the same. 

So Alex confesses. 

“I’m _happy_.”

The agent wonders if this is is the precipice — and if ‘ _happy’_ is the final encouragement needed to build a life away from complacency. 

“Heads up. She’ll be coming back to you soon.”

And if the shaky sigh is any indication, then it just might be…

_Because, Lena has watched Supergirl all night._

And whilst, she has always believed in the virtues of full disclosure and informed consent before awarding anyone with title of ‘hero’ — tonight feels undoubtedly different. As Cadmus and the Tribune continue their mission to muddy Supergirl’s image; Lena is apprehensive for the first time _._ The media’s alternate truths are _unkind_ , and the CEO can certainly understand the damage of the city’s microscope lens.

Lena finds herself strangely sympathetic. _And in the end_ , she thinks that the public hasn’t gotten the blue and red right yet.. _because_ _It’s so much more complicated than just that…_

—

By the time Kara returns, the television has been shut off and Lena has returned to her shareholders proposal. 

Kara Danvers is, _once again_ , unassuming in her careful knocks and optimistic smile. And, Lena can’t help it when she mentions a hankering for breakfast. She not her usual self as she watches Kara get overcome by excitement. The blonde is a rambling mess about lesser known food haunts. And somehow it’s all that Lena ever wants to hear as they leave the building. Because, oddly enough, comparisons about between cold potstickers and leftover pizza placates the bitter demons of her past. 

 _Even if_ , Lena is sure that Kara has never had leftovers in her lifetime…

She’s watched the blonde eat before.

—

The streets are busy as people hurry to prepare for their early mornings. Kara walks slightly ahead as she leads the way to Noonan’s and Lena just marvels from the back. Kara seems a little less troubled than she was when she first showed up at Lena’s door. There’s a bounce to her step again as the blonde is ready for a fresh start. 

It’s hard not to be in awe of that sort of positivity. Most people might try to obtain it, only to fail miserably. So, Lena just walks a little faster. She just tries to stay settled in Kara’s orbit. And it’s a little disconcerting that Lena might be the only one to realise it. Because, people are indifferent in their usual bustle as they bump into the blonde in their rush to get from A to B. 

Frowning, Lena watches as Kara folds herself into something smaller — something less damaging to others — _and just something ‘less’…_

There’s a ferocity to the rage that begins in Lena’s chest. She can’t help but reach a hand out onto the blonde’s waist and lift Kara’s downturned chin. With blazing eyes, Lena seems to tilt slightly towards Kara’s lips. The CEO has a clenched jaw because — _everyone is still missing the goddamn point._  

Lena might be the first person to tremble in front of Kara _Danvers_ because the blonde isn’t just a novice reporter. 

Kara isn’t completely the manifestation of the blue and red. 

And Kara certainly isn’t _nothing._

Despite all their mistakes, Lena has never entertained the possibility that the miraculous young girl that she had met by the side of the road should ever be the cannon fodder for everyone’s day-to-day living. So while Lex is probably correct in his opinion that the Kryptonians aren’t gods — _it is still clear that Kara deserves more_. 

Entranced by the emotions swirling behind those blue eyes, Lena has to ask.

“Where did you go today?”

There’s really no point to it. She doesn’t want the truth and there’s a chance she might also fracture at the lie. It’s all so very self-destructive as Lena forgets the meaning of cautiousness. 

Kara, on the other hand, has never felt so comfortable with the idea of just letting go. She wants to know if her biology will change Lena’s interactions with her. Kara ponders about nature versus nurture, _and if_ — she’s important enough to affect that balance. The reporter thinks that Lena is not Lex, and yet still far more weathered than Katie. 

 _Discrete,_ in her own right. 

And maybe it’s _instinct_ , but Kara is so captivated by that the CEO’s type of broken. There’s an buzzing running through her frame that convinces her that she might be meant to hold onto Lena’s pieces.

So Kara opens her mouth with the intention to be honest. The confession almost makes it out. But unfortunately when there’s the responsibility of the DEO, the alien population and Lena’s own safety to consider — the erratic signals that commandeer her heart just isn’t good enough yet. 

_And Kara goes for something simpler._

“I—I just needed to hand something to Snapper.”

With furrowed brows, she fiddles with her glasses. The excuse is flimsy, and on some level, they both acknowledge the absurdity of it. However, in the end, it helps to maintain the illusion of the status quo. 

And in the 8AM morning scramble of National City _— Lena Luthor kisses Kara anyway…_

_—_

“How does one reconcile two such distinct sides?”

Lena interrupts the quiet. Lex looks up patiently from his newspaper, putting down his predictions for next week’s stock market. Lena doesn’t need to look at the notepad to know that her brother will be right. So, she ignores the distraction of the numbers and pushes on.

“Their personas are so far removed from each other each other — so how do you know which one to trust?”

She replays Kara’s lie and hesitates under her brother’s intense focus.

“You don’t.”

Lex answers in a tone that brokers no further argument. 

_“And more than likely you shouldn’t.”_

Lex leans back into his chair, as he gestures into the air.

“After all, if these are the questions that plague our conversation today; then it’s quite obvious that she certainly doesn’t trust you…”

It’s almost a clinical sounding diagnosis that Lex offers. He isn’t mean. He’s never that to Lena. But, there’s a undeniable sharpness to him that implies some level of danger.

“It was one of my failings that I did not see the threat in Clark’s dichotomy.”

Shaken from his temporary pacifism; Lex tightens his jaw and hardens his gaze.

“And in hindsight, it almost seems like they might be duplicitous by nature… _Yet_ — like moths to a flame, we are fascinated by them. We are determined to be swayed by their lies.”

As a consequence of his eidetic memory, Lex’s every experience with Clark Kent is always at the forefront. The caped crusader is a consistent and ready means to torture himself with. And tangentially, Lex wonders what it would be like to have the opportunity to forget. However it’s only a fleeting thought, because Lex has always valued knowledge above all else. 

Because — _knowledge_ leads to preparation. And _that_ ability to anticipate others — _is power._

So in the end, Lex would so rather choose to drown in hate than to love mistakenly. He narrows his eyes at the vulnerability that Lena seems to emit at the mention of her super. Her story is told by the the crinkle around her eyes and the relaxed quality to her shoulders.

“Emotions are a fickle thing.”

He mutters sternly. 

Lex cares about his sister, and he is determined that Lena will not be the next Luthor to fall casualty to the mirage that is a Kryptonian’s offer of friendship. 

Holding Lena’s uncertain gaze, Lex is at his most persuasive. He slackens his stance far more than the usual, and rearranges his features into something pleasant. 

“And Lena —“

Lex stops to consider his next statement. 

_“Yours, have always been your greatest vulnerability.”_

His words fill into the space between them and there’s a pause as Lena seems to freeze in place. Her eyes widen and she doesn’t know if her brother’s lack of objectivity about supers is actually synonymous with being _wrong_. Lex has very little to gain from this scenario and Lena can admit that she’s already compromised. She’s already willing to give so much in the presence of the Kara’s smiles. So maybe her brother is worth listening to…

Waiting for his sister, Lex just waves his hand carelessly into the air. And, when he finally speaks there’s something irrefutable to his tone.

“So perhaps, _prudence_ dictates that you mirror a facade in return.”

Because either: _he’s_ going to make Lena understand — or the world and its tragedies will.

Because — regardless of time, person or place: _Supergirl and Superman will always cause harm…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh Lex...Why you so problematic?
> 
> Should Lena take his advice?
> 
> Let me know your thoughts if you want to =)


	8. Joseph

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara and Lena through the eyes of Joseph

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys. Sorry for the lateness. Writer's block is evil!
> 
> Have fun :)

Joseph is the first one to notice the change. 

Lena Luthor has been his charge since she was five; innocent and strangely focussed for her age. Fresh from his discharge from the marines, Joseph was a disillusioned young soldier with far too much trauma and black budget sins to function normally in society. He was — perhaps, _exactly_ what Lionel and Lillian had been searching for… _a defender with an proclivity towards violence._

So, for years, Joseph trails an endearingly precocious young girl. And somehow, the young Luthor makes the sounds of harsh emergency sirens and loud car backfires easier to endure. 

By the time Lena turns ten, Joseph gives her the designation of ‘ _friend_ ’ in his mind. For hours at a time, they would sit by the alcove of the Luthor mansion library. They would discuss everything from civil war strategies to the crimes committed to earn the medals displayed on his military dress jacket. In her school uniform, Lena _listens_. The young girl reaches for his hand and refuses to turn away in distaste. And one her next birthday, Joseph doesn’t think twice and gifts her with his purple heart. 

Thirteen is a complicated age. Lena meets a blonde girl by the road in a small town called Midvale. And all of a sudden, the last vestiges of teenage immaturity is shed. Lena is less affected by the conniving monotony of her boarding school peers, and more focused than ever on science and the _stars_. At thirteen, Lena writes letters as if all the euphoria of the world can be contained on one sheet of paper. Joseph has to amend his every report to Lionel — and their routine _changes_. 

Joseph has to work that much harder for Lena’s safety as they make daytime excursions and midnight dead drops to a PO box. Still— the young man is convinced that the unbridled joy in Lena’s countenance is worth it. 

Joseph meets Alex Danvers that year as well. He marvels that, at sixteen, Alex is as responsible as they come. The young woman is already groomed for the duty of protection and a gun.

However despite his extensive background, Joseph gets caught off guard in the years after Lena’s fifteenth birthday. He’s forced to stand by as immeasurable tragedies impose themselves on the young Luthor. And ‘powerless’ is the more than an understatement, but somehow _they make it through._

With steel in her eyes, Lena tells him no more letters and _no more pain_. And when he’s recovering from three bullets intended for her; Lena confesses that she has no more trust left for anyone to earn.

_So from here on out, Joseph — will have to trust for both of them._

Adulthood begins and Joseph is present throughout. He guards, and worries for Lena’s health when she skips to many meals. They go from friends to _‘best friends’_ and neither care about the oddities of the connection. It’s important to state that he’s never her father figure. Lena’s biological father deserted her and her adoptive one had been so callous. Joseph is determined to be neither, and after all their time together — Lena deserves to be an equal. 

So, Joseph is the one to piece it all together. He takes notice of the young blonde reporter who is _unusually courageous_ in her desire to be helpful and hopeful. He raises his eyebrow when she manages to drag that elusive smile back onto Lena’s lips and introduces herself as _Danvers._ And it would be so easy to jump to conclusions and make obvious the links. But Joseph is a marine — and he’s made to be _sure_. 

So, he doesn’t say anything and for a while, nothing changes. Lena unable provide any clues; consistently waylaid by the ongoing debate between Lex, her emotions and her common sense. But, she always seems to reach for Kara during the meantime. 

Clarification comes in the form of Alex Danvers. He gives the woman a stiff nod and does not follow when she and Lena walk away. And it’s alright — because Alex stands like she’s used to having a machine gun clipped to her back. Her eyes remain keen in their assessment of danger and Joseph figures that even back then he had gotten it right. Because, _Alex Danvers is a soldier now…_  

_She’s DEO —_ and, the picture snaps into focus... 

Joseph observes Kara Danvers and now sees the hero in blue.

Joseph observes Kara and Lena, and remembers two young girls laughing in the tall green grass.

And, Joseph observes Lena Luthor and realises that Kara Danvers is still the person that makes her come alive.

So, when Lena kisses the blonde in the middle of the streets of National City; he prepares himself for the task of learning to trust Kara. 

With the wealth of emotions in Lena’s eyes, _he thinks that he has to do it for both of them._

—

Lena and Kara’s first date is at an carnival.

It is actually the blonde who continues their interactions; staying remarkably steady. Because, in the days following her last visit to Lex, Lena becomes a recluse. She buries her head in the sand and spends far too much time in the dark. When she’s alone; it’s easier to say that Kara isn’t a friend or anything more — that the blonde doesn’t matter in a way that touches her bones. 

So, Lena treats Kara’s touch as if it may have the sharpness of thorns. 

Lena holds her head high on her own because the facade is that she doesn’t crave the reassurance of Kara’s surprisingly strong shoulders. 

And although Lena is not actually imprisoned behind any set of bars like Lex, her mind manages to adhere to an improvised one.

_It’s the first time that Joseph has ever seen her so dishonest._

So, Joseph respects Kara Danvers as she turns up unfailingly to the L-Corp Tower on her lunch breaks. 

He gives the blonde space and time, as she leans her back against the locked door and drops to the floor — recollecting the random events of the day. The content is not necessarily important or awe-spiring, but perhaps the _consistency_ is what it takes. Slowly, Lena stops being so distant. The CEO gets stubbornly dragged back into the light — chuckling fondly at Kara’s mini-rants about Snapper Carr and rolling her eyes at the mention of Mike of the Interns. 

And when Lena finally opens her door on a sunny Thursday; she’s met with tickets for the carnival currently visiting the city. It’s hardly like anything she’s ever done, but she says _yes anyway_. 

And somehow, Kara’s joy is blinding — _because it’s her first time too._

The blonde had never gotten the chance in Midvale. The lights were always a little too harsh and the sounds had seemed so unmanageable. Back then, Alex had simply hugged Kara; saying that it’s ok not to be ready yet. That maybe, she could bring her friend, Katie, one day instead — for their long awaited meet-up.

However Kara remains torn, because with Lena Luthor looking so adorably out of place amongst the cardboard hats and multi-coloured stalls — _Kara is ready now._  

‘Katie’ becomes a far off thought as Kara is able to see the significance of the woman standing so unsurely in front of her now. In the present scene, Lena is making it all to easy to let that old childhood fantasy go and Kara’s heart rate is unpredictable once again.

They go on tea cup rides and hold sage conversations over merry go arounds. Lena talks about college and the impact that Lex might have had on it. Whilst Kara responds with anecdotes of her initial interview with Cat Grant and the trials of being the woman’s assistant. And unknowingly, they bridge the gaps of each other’s lives that they’ve been missing. 

Bumper rides are an issue because Lena has always been competitive and Kara has never looked into getting a driver's licence. So, for three rounds, they nudge, skid and graze with laughter and a mischievous gleam to their eyes. But when a seven year old young man antagonises Lena over the coveted blue vehicle; Kara is perhaps a saviour in her own right as she drags the CEO away. The kiss that follows, is equal parts a compulsion and an attempt to distract. Affection overtakes caution by a mile and _oh -- making connections has never quite felt like this before_. 

Things are suddenly so clear now...

As they make their way through the park, Lena wins Kara a giant stuffed bear from the water gun booth. She talks about angles, force and _arc_ with a passion that seems unparalleled. And although Kara recalls bits and pieces of Earth physics from her Kryptonian education; she also thinks that she _finally_ grasps the content this time around. With Lena standing close and pressed against her back, Kara’s hands tremble under the guiding touches. And It's somehow astounding because in the end, she _does_ feel like the protagonist in one of those romantic comedies that she enjoys so much. The most notable deviation is that the her suitor is a girl. And perhaps, the more important distinction is that the girl _chose her._

Kara thinks that she'll do anything to keep it that way. 

There eventually a pause in the afternoon when Lena has to return a frantic call from one of L-corp's board members. With apologies in her eyes, the CEO grazes Kara's cheek wistfully and sighs. Kara is then left in the company of a tall ex-marine. Joseph remains inscrutable under gaze. He just stares at her attempt at a friendly smile and for a moment, Kara is strangely unnerved. Still, Kara shakes it off. The blonde remembers that she’s braved far more indomitable beings than Lena’s bodyguard — after all, Kara had won over Cat Grant. 

So, she persists. She offers Joseph the cinnamon bun in her hand.

The man eyes the pastry distastefully, before turning away. The breeze hits them at just the right angle and they both look out into the distance. They’re at the edge of carnival, facing the green of National City’s largest show-ground. There’s sounds of joyful children nearby and it’s the closest to Midvale Kara has ever felt since she moved out here.

“You know Lex was a problematic young fellow.”

Leant against the railings, Joseph is the picture of calm as he begins. 

“He was — _a piece of work…_ But no one could contest the fact that he loved his little sister.”

Joseph lifts his head to look at Kara. He breaks the blonde down from her comfortable flats to her pastel pink cardigan. It’s all so deceptively _normal_. You wouldn’t have known unless you were looking for it — the odd way Kara’s shirt crinkles, so _telling_ of a layer of something else worn underneath. Most people wouldn’t pay attention to the fact that Kara glasses lenses have no real thickness to them or that her physicality just seems too optimised to be considered human. 

And, clearing his voice, Joseph won’t fault Kara for the lie itself. 

“But, before Lex was taken away he gave me this box…”

After all self preservation was basic instinct for all living creatures, human and otherwise. At the very least _that_ will be true even when everything els exists in murky waters. Joseph’s mind travels to Superman’s supposed invulnerability. He had never in believed it. Joseph is a marine — and he _knows_ that there’s always an exploitable weakness and viable infiltration point.

“It was a container of green bullets and Lex told me that, _those_ , would be the things that would save his sister’s heart.”

In many ways, Joseph still can’t believe that the little green stones are any of those things. Lex clearly has knowledge and designs beyond his prison cell. And in the end, Joseph still not about to doubt a Luthor, _especially this one_. He rests his hand meaningfully on his sidearm and meets Kara’s surprisingly calm countenance. 

Joseph sighs tiredly.

“I’m sure that Lex is insane — but I would still hate to have to use them on anybody.”

The silence is heavy with the things that Joseph doesn’t say — _‘on you.. and on her.’_ He still hopes that Kara Danvers will value Lena Luthor above her secrets. 

And, Kara can be impossible to read when she wants to be. It’s a defence that she so rarely feels the need to fall back on; imbued with the etiquette and nobility of the House of El. But in the current scene, she’s aware of the raised hairs on the back of her neck. There’s so much double meaning to every part of this conversation, and Alex would probably warn her away from it. Her sister would say that risk had to be counterbalanced by gain, and that — even _then_ , ‘disclosure’ is an act of daring that is inherently dangerous to all involved. 

But here’s the thing, Kara has lived her childhood in hiding. Ever since she’s put on the suit; she’s more certain than ever that the first step to living in this world is to be _open_ and to accept the impracticality of having faith in others. And for what its worth, despite _what Joseph clearly knows_ ; he doesn’t seem afraid. The hows and the whys are inconsequential. And, the bodyguard is full of honour as he phrases everything in a way that doesn’t actually push for anything more an acknowledgement of the truth and a pledge to care about his charge… 

_Kara does_. 

So perhaps in the end, the only real danger in Lena Luthor is that _one day,_ Kara might hesitate between the shielding CEO or the greater world.

“You won’t have to.”

Touching her glasses, Kara finally responds.

“I—I think that out of everyone in this world that Lena deserves happiness.”

Joseph raises his brow at the confession. He wonders if Lena has finally found a person blind to the Luthor name. But sooner rather than later, he realises that that’s not it. 

“I just — I’d like the chance to be a part that.”

Kara Danvers is more than aware of Lena’s heritage. And the blonde doesn’t just tolerate it or love in spite of it like most attempt to do in some grand heroic gesture. _No_. Instead what’s most striking is that— Kara seems to be enchanted by the person borne from the fire and tragedy of being labelled as a Luthor. The blonde alien seems captivated by the qualities that has the media in strife over Lena: tenacity, genius and a touch of challenge.

“I just — I’d like the chance to be a part that… _Like I could be built for it._ ”

And Joseph doesn’t have much to say, clasping his hands in thought. Kara’s gaze remains inquisitive as she waits for him to come to come sort of consensus. The bodyguard thinks that he can learn to respect the blonde for her patience. He decides that he can believe in her tendency to consider all the facets of Lena — and be unwavering still. 

So, he mutters under his breath at a volume that a normal person would miss.  

_“Maybe you are.”_

He really doesn’t expect Kara show any outwards signs of hearing. However, Joseph is finally starting to get why Lena is so damn impulsive around the blonde because in the face of their connection; Kara is a little reckless too. Joseph watches Kara nod to this statement before extending her hand, once again, with the godforsaken pastry.

She’s holding her breath as she waits for him to take it.

This time — Joseph does.

And that’s how Lena finds them. She finds the two people she values most standing side by side, amiably engrossed by the landscapes in the distance. Kara is enthusiastic in her gesturing and descriptions about all the best dessert cafe in National City. Joseph has crinkles around his eyes as he munches on the cinnamon bun that he seems to be enjoying. There’s something in the way that he chuckles that tells Lena that he’s actually just as invested in their little talk; carefully filing away the locations for later. After all Lena had always found it absurd that the disciplined ex-marine could have such an insatiable sweet tooth.

It’s strangely heartwarming and Lena finds herself hanging back, almost unwilling to interrupt the growing camaraderie between them. Eventually, Joseph looks up. He catches Lena’s soft smile and tilts his head assuringly. There’s approval in his eyes and the man believes that he can trust _Kara Danvers_ enough for the both of them…

And somehow the dates become easier in the days, weeks and months after.

—

Joseph almost never wants to take Lena back to her brother. He’s hasn’t seen her so untroubled in a long time and her emotions surrounding Kara are still so young. The problem is that Joseph also recognises that Lena is who she is because she was loved by Lex. 

She’s brilliant because Lex had always facilitated her creativity within the realms of chemicals, machines and numbers. 

She’s stubborn because her brother once said that any hypothesis without conviction was just bad scientific form. 

And Lena is kind, _because once upon a time,  Lex was too_.

So, Joseph is resigned as he pulls the car to the entry of the prison. He opens Lena’s door and waits against the car’s bonnet. Lena disappears slowly behind the steel elevator doors.

“I was beginning to think that you had forsaken me in favour of this — ill-advised courtship.”

Lex’s mocking tone cuts across the room. And it has been a while, nearly a month since that first date at the carnival. Lena has kept away in the hope that time could soften her brother regarding her attachment to a super.   

“Tell me Lena, is it the girl or the hero that holds your affections so?”

It hasn’t.

Lena clenches at the pointedness of the question. She looks down at her hand and thinks that she might almost be able to feel Kara’s phantom grasp; reassuring and solid intwined with hers. So, Lena swallows. She walks determinedly to her brother and steels her shoulders. 

“I’m not afraid Lex.”

Lena crosses her arms to mirror his stance.

“I’ve entered into this with my eyes open.”

And maybe she can’t help herself with the provocation of her next statement.

“Perhaps the issue is that _you_ didn’t?”

An amused sound bounces off the walls as Lex rolls his eyes. He’s still chuckling as he steps into the space of his sister. Lena knows better than to withdraw. Lex leans down so that it’s his damaged side that fills her sight. In this proximity and under this lighting, the old wound is so much uglier. The jagged edges have led to obstructed healing as the pieces of his face are artificially and forcefully pulled back together. The dissolvable sutures can only do so much as the fibrotic process results in puffiness and the vulcanisation of that part of his face.

She breathes in a sharp inhale. Lena has never been so close before. Because, whether it was due to vanity, shame or an attempt at protection — through his posturing, Lex has always only given her glimpses of the injury. Lena hardly what to do with the pity in his countenance now.

_“Superman was hardly the one who gave me these scars Lena.”_

Lex intones apathetically. It’s one of the few times that he’s actually disappointed in his sister. Their intelligence had always been a point of pride. And although, Lex had been let down by his own, he has done everything to ensure that Lena would be better than that. He wanted her to be sharp where he was soft, and firm when he had been too forgiving. They weren’t supposed to fall to the _same_ trap. After all, if Lex had really thought about it — Superman was just the frontman, and so predictable in morality of actions. But instead, it was actually _Clark Kent_ and the trust that Lex had placed in him that had ultimately blindsided Lex.

In the end, his demise came from the fact that Lex had confided in a Kansas country boy in their dorm room in the expectation it wouldn’t bleed into the hero. 

_Lex was so wrong…_

But noting at the defensiveness of Lena’s stance, Lex decides that now is not yet the time for his sister reach those conclusions. As it seems, there are some mistakes that must be weathered alone to understand the lesson. So, Lex moves back again. He slides smoothly into his chair and returns to the newspaper that he had been reading before the elevator ding. 

“But, enjoy your dalliance with her Lena.”

Looking up briefly, Lex waves accusingly into the air.

“The test of your instincts and intelligence will be the questions that you will ask next.“

There’s a pause as Lex actually seems to mull over his words. 

“I am your brother.”

Holding his sister’s attention, Lex is absolute in his declaration. 

_“And, I will still welcome you when the novelty of this begins to wear off.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because Lena deserves to have a Joseph in her life.
> 
> And I wonder what Lena will ask next...


	9. Continuances

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Three conversations that Alex has regarding Kara and Lena.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys. So sorry that it's taking me so long to update what with work and writers block. Don't really know if anyone is still following this fic but am going to finish with it because I'm super stubborn!

Alex maps the trajectory of Kara and Lena over the course of three conversations. At the beginning it’s with concern, resignation and no small amount of suspicion. But perhaps somehow by the end of each one, she’s a little more certain of the couple’s longevity.

The first happens with a gust of wind and her papers flying everywhere in her laboratory. She’s deconstructing CADMUS’ latest attempt at death and destruction. On her table lays a multi-panelled grenade. And although it’s inert now, the aftermath of the device can still be seen by the number of casualties being rushed to emergency departments throughout the city. The target had been an alien rights advocacy group and — with a bang and a flash, modified Telethian secretions leaves sixty nine bystanders fighting for their lives with third degree burns.

Their only crime? It was that they cared enough about the outcasts to try and stand for equality. But unfortunately, in the current climate; it’s almost enough to make the world consider… So the media _speculates_ and tries to maintain some measure of order. And it is perhaps a little to late to pick a side, because for all intents and purposes, the violent manoeuvre is a overnight success — _furthering the rift between humans and aliens._

And Alex hardly knows what to expect from Kara. She remembers Jonn’s phone-call from the scene. 

With pain in his voice, Jonn paints the the story of a broken Kryptonian on her knees in grief. He relays an account of exhaustion as the blonde superhero flies _every_ victim to medical aid. Kara breaks all speed records previously set and perhaps most importantly — Jonn ends in a panic about where Kara disappears to _when it is all over_. 

The image of guilt carried in those blue eyes is seared into his brain. And it’s such an insidious type of destruction — the pain and responsibility that comes from being a survivor. But to his surprise Alex doesn’t react at all. 

And without any explanation she simply tells him to let Kara go…

—

So Alex doesn’t even bother to look up from her examination of the device when an impossible draft comes into the air-conditioned room. She rolls her eyes at the telltale clink and clang as Kara fiddles with some of the scattered pieces of the weapon. Even all throughout childhood Kara could never keep her hands from exploring, so driven by curiosity about Earths many creations. And Alex still has a box of broken MP3 player and calculators to prove it.

“Alex, I nee—“

“Kara, good you’re here! Could you pass me the monkey wrench?”

Kara huffs quietly at the interruption as she turns around to look for the tool. She’s radiating an nervous energy as she zips around. Alex thinks that she can pinpoint the exact moment that her little sister gets impatient with _human_ limitations and just X-rays the surroundings. The DEO agent just smiles at her sister’s triumphant celebration as she extends her hand for the tool. But when Kara hands it over, there’s a touch of seriousness to the Kryptonian. A pensive crinkle appears between her brow, and Alex stiffens a little. 

She tests the weight of the metal in her hands and almost looks away. There’s contentment to Kara’s stance and a brightness in her eyes and _Alex thinks that she knows what this is about_. 

Or more likely — _who_ , this must be about.

“Alex, so I ha—“

“Kara, also the box of nuts and bolts to your right please?”

It should be noted that Alex isn’t trying to be cruel as she re-focusses her attention towards the contraption on her desk. It is simply that Kara Zor-El Danvers has been her responsibility for the better part of her twenty six years. And in that time, Alex has guarded against schoolyard bullies, college sororities and intrepid office politics. 

Kara, has always trusted her. 

And, with the exception of the Supergirl debut — the blonde generally adheres to all of Alex’s directions. 

Kara Zor-El Danvers depends on the advice that has _always kept her safe._

“Al—“

“Kara, I’m going need the laser cutter.”

And, Alex interrupts her sister for a third time. Kara drops the box and it’s contents onto the table in aggravation.

“Alex!”

Falling resignedly into the chair behind her, the blonde is unable to keep the urgency from her tone.

“— I’m _trying_ to talk to you about something!”

Alex closes her eyes for a second because she doesn’t yet know how to address the issue of _Lena_. She more than aware of the immensity of the sentiments between the two. _That —_ is never the contestable point. However, until the CEO is ready to come clean about her place in Kara’s past, there’s just no safe way to proceed. And although Lena Luthor is hardly the wolves that her parents had warned about — it is arguable that she holds more sway with Kara’s sense of reality than most. 

So, Alex interjects. She loads Kara with inane tasks because — _she just needs a little time to work this out_. However there’s just enough heartbreak in Kara’s voice to remind Alex that safety isn’t everything and all of a sudden Alex is thrown back to that moment in the grass where she first made the decision to value heart over head. 

“Kara, just relax.”

Placing her hand on her sister’s shoulder, Alex nods gently.

“Whatever it is. It’s not as bad as you’re making it out to be.”

And that statement _has_ to be true because Alex is a scientist and she won’t be blind to the results of this study. Katie was a friend; a confidant and Kara’s example of humanity in the early ages. Whilst Miss Luthor shows Kara how to be steel in the face of unworthy foes. And _Lena?_ Lena is the reason why Kara Danvers is standing in front of Alex hopeful, frazzled and yet so sure of her right to happiness.

So, maybe that’s enough to put the critics to bed.

“I didn’t say that it was bad…”

The whisper is quiet in the large room and Alex sighs exasperatedly.

“No. But you’re all worked up about it and slamming my equipment on tables.”

“Oh, I’m sorry!”

The sheepish apology heralds the return of the girl Alex is more familiar with; someone shy and incredibly awkward about her integration to this world. However perhaps it is only after seeing the potential of unbridled joy that was present moments ago, but Alex feels an internal rebellion over the matter. She’ll respond with more conviction that she’s sure of.

_“It’s ok you know…”_

“I haven’t even told you yet.”

Kara interjects sombrely, fiddling with the edges of her cape. Winn had said flame retardant, water-proof and laser reflective. She would still have to talk to him about the biochemical elements, The acid from today’s attack darkly stains the vibrant red. And on some level Kara wonders if that is a metaphorical reflection of the future. Of whether — they would always be playing catch up in an attempt to appease trifling and transient emotions. 

“You’re dating Lena Luthor…Or at the very least — _you want to be.”_

Alex’s smooth tone cuts through and Kara looks up in surprise. She has to admit she never knows what to expect with Alex; at least never in matters of the heart. 

“You haven’t felt like this since Katie.”

Alex has always been weighted with some kind of knowledge and experience that Kara can’t seem to get access to.

“And you want some advice about what to wear for tonight.”

However there’s a inevitability to Alex’s expression that reminds Kara that none of this is trivial.

“How am I doing?”

Alex moves forward to kneel in front of her sister. There’s encouragement, safety and an almost blessing as she reaches forward to squeeze Kara’s hands, dragging the blonde’s attention back to the present. And for more than a minute it’s just silent as they communicate in a manner borne out of from many family dinners under the surveilling gaze of Eliza and Jeremiah. It’s their own secret language; a hidden wavelength. So for a while, there’s just a rise of an eyebrow and a quirk of the lips. Kara breaks into a giggle and Alex’s eye’s widen in surprise.

“Oh no!”

Alex stands up in abject horror.

“No!”

And any further objection is aborted by how those blue eyes become impossibly bigger and with a thin sheen of emotion. Alex swallows weakly because _— goddamn Kara Danvers and whomever taught her how to do that puppy-dog expression._ And whatever come next sounds more like a whine than anything else.

“Kara, the last time you borrowed that dress you got tomato stains all over it!”

With a frustrated and tired hand, Alex runs her hand through her head.

“I mean I warned you not to order the spaghetti Bolognese with extra sauce.”

In memory of the event, Kara had the good grace to be a little bit embarrassed and reddens under Alex’s stern admonishment. But watching her sister deflate before her, Alex feels that familiar pain under her breast plate, and in the end, she simply groans and rolls her eyes fondly.

“Fine. But this time if you mess it up you have to be the one to explain to Jonn why the DEO needs another $12,000 dollars for another cocktail dress.“

After all, bulletproof garments didn’t come cheap.

—

The second conversation happens after the course of many dates and with the same unanswered truth playing the ever-present disruptor in the background. There are so many things in the world that seems brash and blind, but _love_ shouldn’t be. And Alex thinks there’s only so many excuses and side-steps that Lena can make before doubt will begin to extrude from missing pieces of their foundation.

So one night, Lena comes home after long back-to-back boardroom meetings to Alex’s silhouette sitting at her kitchen counter. The agent has a glass of 50-year old Glennfidich in her hand, _and well_ — at least Lena can’t fault her for her taste. The CEO simply shrugs off her heavy trench-coat and wanders into the study to fetch her own drink.

“Is this going to become our routine?”

Lena asks, leaning the confidently against the doorjamb. Alex pauses, rolling the amber liquid around before coming to a slow swallow. Lena supposes the deliberate show is in some attempt to intimidate.

“That depends. Are your going to continue to be a part of Kara’s life?”

And as Alex lifts her head up to stare piercingly at the younger woman, Lena can admit that the agent is successful. 

“Are you going to stay?”

And with a grunt and a snort, Alex mutters accusingly.

“Do you even _want_ to stay?”

But perhaps the sharpness in that tone is enough to return Lena to her defences. She straightens and walks across to stare out of the large windows. However at this time of night, the tempered glass does a far better job of reflecting her insecurities back at her, and the cadence of her speech becomes that little bit erratic.

“I’ve been abandoned all my life Alex. It is a type of hurt that I am unlikely to impart on others.”

Lena sighs tiredly before turning her head back to glance at the agent.

“And Kara, as it seems, _is magnetic_ …I am just a shard caught in her polar field.”

There’s a pause with so many things unmentioned. Rebuttals like ‘you left her alone once before,” and ‘why haven’t you told her about Katie yet?’ Still, Alex continues. She wonders if there’s a point to all this. And, if the value of truth can be exchanged for something else just as meaningful.

“Did you ever use compasses in math class?”

The question comes a little out of the blue and Lena supposes that Alex’s job is to be so unpredictable. So she simply chuckles and snickers.

“Are you going to draw me a circle Alex?”

Lena’s levity withers in the quiet and she finds herself relenting.

“Go on. Make your point.”

“A compass is made out of three parts: the pencil, the hinge and the compass needle.”

Alex starts slow. She takes a drink out of her glass and losses herself in the space of her mind.

“In elementary school, I was always a little fascinated with it. And I guess I was a perfectionist even back then because it was important to have that shape be perfectly round. I might have even lost the plot a little when my hand would slip and I’d accidentally change the angle on the hinge cause the ugliest wide arc.”

And if Lena thinks that this is long winded, it doesn’t show. She finds herself strangely engrossed by the snippets of an childhood that seems so much like something that she understands — for Alex thinks in parabolas, integers and balanced equations as well. 

The agent smiles self-deprecatingly as she meets Lena’s gaze. 

“But my teacher told me to relax. She sat me down and told me about how you could always re-align the ends of the compass to the last known point to continue the original path.”

Alex forgets the drink in her hand and leans back into the chair. She tilts her head pointedly and gestures into the space.

“You could do that — for as long as you had a centre point.”

Alex leans forward and takes out an untraceable DEO phone. She taps a couple of codes and brings up Kara’s profile. The blonde’s smiling countenance fills up the screen and Alex closes her eyes in understanding when Lena’s breath is caught. As certain emotions take over, Alex thinks that she doesn’t need super hearing to know that the CEO’s heart has just skipped a beat. She simply acknowledges the depth of the adoration that Lena has, and then brings up the image of Supergirl side-by-side with Kara’s. 

“Because Lena, the centre point anchors the arms of the compass and determines _everything_. As long as it exists you can always re-adjust and come back to the radius you want.”

And if it’s an attempt to scare Lena into anything — it falls flat. The CEO surprisingly doesn’t feel that old fear in her throat or cold running down her back. Instead, focussing her gaze on Kara and _Supergirl_ , her mind convinces herself that maybe, _probably she has already reconciled the two…_

There’s a distant quality to her voice when she echoes Alex’s sentiments.

“The centre point grounds everything…”

The lack of resistance causes Alex to relax. And when she gets up, she places a supportive hand on Lena’s shoulder and whispers quietly, softening the impact of the instruction. 

“So, maybe you stop this charade, _and make Kara yours.”_

Alex’s voice is heavy with care, this time not for Kara but Lena herself. And Lena thinks that she must be _so_ damaged because she doesn’t understand siblings like this.

_—_

Three days later Kara leaves the CatCo building for the day only to be surprised by Lena Luthor holding a bouquet of flowers and a request to join her for the evening. 

Joseph comes at Kara with a silk blindfold in his hands only to be waved back by Lena. The man seems shocked as he acquiesces. He tries not to swell up with pride. He tries not to pin all his hopes for Lena happy ever after on Kara Danvers, _but it is so hard_. Because, Lena lets down her guard when the blonde leans into her. Lena doesn’t have a plan B for if or when Kara disappoints; choosing for once to believe that Kara _won’t_ , despite everything that that the Luthor clan has always taught her. And Kara is just happy to surrender to the mystery. 

The young reporter memorises the passing streets and building in the car window as Lena gives nothing away but a small smile. The only signs of her nerves are how her hands tighten subconsciously around Kara’s.

They arrive at a big empty underground bunker in the middle of town. And Kara is both amazed and perturbed by the well-kept secret; wondering how even _the DEO_ could have missed this. The Luthor-Corp Company Logo brands the steel mechanical doors.

“Wow! What is this?”

And Lena just shrugs abashedly. She waits as Joseph opens the doors and returns with a metal briefcase. Lena punches in a set of numbers, revealing a cylinder of glowing red substance. And with no small amount of trepidation, she takes a deep breath.

“ _This_ — is isotope 354.”

At Kara’s confusion, the young CEO curses herself. She thinks that she should have come up with an better explanation. But the problem is that — with the exception of Joseph, she has never entertained the notion of telling anyone about this, _not even Lex_. It’s a pet project from boarding school; a silly idea that had broadened into something far beyond. And Lena supposes that if she had a more dramatic flair she might also call it her life’s work. 

“It’s — I’ve been working on this since I was _fifteen_ years old. You see, I wanted to engineer a substance that had a more stable decay rate and titrate-able half life. I-354 is all those things and now, even has a better environmental risk profile. I’ve beta-tested it for medical imaging and interventional radiology in late stage cancer patients. 

And — it _works, Kara!_  

Better than anything on the market now.”

With enthusiasm and passion, Lena is a vividly stunning character brought to life against a cold and distant back drop. She’s more than enough to disarm and convince. However perhaps the problem with the world is that it’s become far too cynical and so afraid of the consequences of re-invention.

“But, Kara, I’m hardly a fool. I know what this could be used for should anyone else get their hands on it; war, famine and various health hazards. Far be it for a Luthor to ever imagine something _truly good_.” 

And Kara may understand all or none of what has just been said, but she finds that it doesn’t matter because in the end, _Kara can read Lena_. 

She can grasp the significance of this moment, from the hitch in the normally confident tone to the slightly defensive posturing. Lena Luthor presents the isotope like she’s preparing for an assault. Defeat swirls around dark eyes as if she doesn’t expect to hold onto something that’s actually important to her, and _win_. 

“Kara, to this day, only two people know about it; Joseph — _and now you…_ And, I suppose I have no idea how anything is going to turn out but someone recently extolled to me the virtues of being honest. 

_So this is me,_ _Kara_. 

Isotope-354 _is me_ — all twelve or so years of it. 

And, I’m afraid that I’m rather reckless with the cards that life has dealt me, but we all must have something that keeps us settled and anchored. _And i feel like i need to say that you are that for me Kara…_  

It would be disingenuous of me to let either of us pretend that you aren’t.” 

So perhaps Kara means to reassure about more than just the one thing, _because_ — when the tear slips down her cheek, she’s a blur of gold as she presses her lips against Lena’s. 

Refusing to let Lena drop the precious red cylinder in surprise, Kara has one hand behind Lena’s neck and the other securing the CEO’s grasp on the isotope. And in the moment, Lena falters because the young reporter is gentle, unwavering and so malleable all at once. 

So she learns to trust …

O _f course she does._

—

And that night, when Kara is asleep beside her — the third conversation happens. Lena dials two on her speed-dial and a tired voice pops on.

“Danvers.”

There’s a patient pause, as Alex seems to just wait. 

“ _Thank you._ ”

The gratitude comes out in a whisper and Lena places her fingers to her lips because lo and behold despite all brain signals to the contrary — she’s _smiling_.

_“You’re welcome._ ”

The static is the soundtrack to some kind of processing and, the exchange ends with a click. And with that, Alex Danvers finds that the notion of Kara and Lena becoming a little less abstract. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alex and Lena and their nerd speak and metaphors!
> 
> Anyway as always, let me know if you have any thoughts =)


	10. Continuances II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Three conversations that Maggie has regarding Kara and Supergirl over Lena

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey mates. Managed to crank out another chapter. Thanks for the super nice comments! Glad you're loving it, really made me push to continue =)

Maggie Sawyer experiences the highs and lows of Kara and Lena’s relationship though her increasing interactions with Kara and Supergirl. And, as the accounts continue to come from two seemingly different people, it’s so strange as over the course of their interactions, they begin to blur together.

The first happens at the clean up of the alien fight ring. The detective moves towards Supergirl as if to approach a wounded animal and the assessment isn’t that far off. Standing alone in the scene, the tall blonde has hunched shoulders and rapidly reddening eyes as she watches Lena Luthor walk away. Placing a concerned hand on the hero’s back, Maggie can’t help but be taken aback by the emotion swirling behind those blue eyes. 

Maggie flinches at the bitter self-loathing tone slips out.

“ _Maybe I should curb my bias_.”

Not for the first time, Maggie wonders if a capacity to _feel_ is as really as much of a human trait as the xenophobics of the world would like to believe. Because here’s the thing, Maggie has spent most of her adult life making connections with the off-worldly. _A_ nd more often than not — humanity is actually the race that seems detached, so _able_ to turn off their empathy for the sake of convenience. 

So, as Supergirl continues to clench and unclench her hands forlorn and confused; Maggie finds it an imperative to care as well.

“Hey. Don’t do that.”

Taking a deep breath, the detective attempts offer some type of wisdom. 

“Look, sometimes to be what’s necessary we don’t always get to be the _good_ guy… _At least not to everyone…_ ”

In her life, Maggie thinks about her long line of ex-girlfriends, about her time _before Alex Danvers_ , and she swears she’s been good, bad and every shade of grey in between. However with each version of her past, there’s growth. And in the end, the detective wonders if those poorer examples of herself prior only served to groom her for the next circumstance — _the most important one._ So she looks at the hero. She sees the fault lines and the mistakes made thus far. And it’s a curiosity of whether this is just another lesson in a long road, or the end of it.

“And we let some people down.”

Still, Maggie makes sure to get the blonde’s attention. 

“It’s sad. And _believe me —_ it sucks. But this job? We _have_ to be willing to sacrifice.”

There’s just quiet as the words seem to sink in. Supergirl laughs hoarsely before looking to Maggie with pained blue eyes and tear-stained smile.

_“But what happens when you meet someone that you can’t imagine giving up?”_

Maggie almost misses the whisper. The detective doesn’t know the Luthor in question and what might be owed in that relationship, but she can appreciate the notion. She thinks about Alex, and the lengths that she would go to ensure the DEO agent’s presence in her life. For her connection with the elder Danvers feels _real_ and _certain_ in a way that causes her mind to calm and hands to still. So, Maggie goes for the truth.

_“Then you find a way to get her to let you stay…”_

//

And so it goes. 

Maggie next stumbles into one Kara Danvers waiting for her by her desk at the precinct. The blonde is all nerves and twisting hands as she seems to vibrate with energy. 

“K. Danvers! What are you doing in my neck of the woods?”

Offering the blonde a chair, Maggie begins to settle into her desk. She’s barely sat down when she hears the blurting.

“What do girl’s like?”

The young reporter is a runaway train and Maggie doesn’t really stand a chance at getting a word in.

“No, I mean women! I’m sor—“

And perhaps it is only when the whole bullpen falls to a silence, that Kara realises the volume of her outburst. But to Maggie’s credit, she just rolls with it. And if she’s ever had any questions over Kara’s orientation, it never shows. Instead, Maggie simply glares her nosey-minded colleagues back to work before kindly interrupting the blonde. 

“Kara! It depends on the girl.”

The reporter seems to deflate a little at the broadness of the statement. Maggie lines up her thoughts and recalls the recent friendship that seems to have blossomed between the younger Danvers and Lena Luthor over balanced articles and news edits. Alex’s grudging approval of Kara’s infatuation and girl crush rings at the back of her mind and Maggie almost chuckles at Alex’s assessment that her sister must have a thing for wealthy women in charge. 

“But I don’t know. If _I_ was trying to take out a strangely rigid CEO who looks as if she hasn’t met the sun in years, I would consider something that’s totally outside of her wheelhouse — _something that she’ll remember you for_ …”

Leaning forward, Maggie covers Kara’s fidgeting hands gently. 

“Because you’re different, Kara. And she _needs_ to know you.”

There’s no exaggeration to the comment. Maggie can honestly say that she’s never met anyone like the Danvers sisters. In this day and age, Maggie thinks that it’s a rare commodity and an _almost impossibility_ to find someone so untouched by the world’s sins as Kara Danvers. And thinking back to the ferocity that Lena had displayed towards the superhero, perhaps _Kara_ might be the one to provide the more resounding mark in the woman’s heart.

So, watching Kara leave with a bounce in her step, Maggie tilts her head. 

The detective wonders how an young reporter might compete with the hero in blue for the CEO’s affections. She ponders if a human would ever actually stand a chance. 

But when Alex tells her that Kara took Lena to a carnival — Maggie _smiles_ , because she thinks _that Kara Danvers might…_

_//_

Over the course of weeks and months, Maggie begins index her interactions with Supergirl and Kara to the pace of her relationship with Alex.  

As Maggie becomes more entrenched in everything that Alex Danvers is — the more the super also seems to come into her life, until she just comes to expect it. Maggie would always find the hero waiting for her at the scene before a dangerous arrest and watching her six during the scuffle. Other times, on the days where crime is slow and the world is weary; Supergirl just seems to linger for conversation…

In comparison, Maggie encounters _Kara Danvers_ at her apartment steps with beer and pizza. The young reporter is always present with a sheepish smile and a promise that her sister is just running a little late. Waving away the concerns, Kara would explain that Alex has simply gotten into yet another disagreement with the DEO centrifuge or spectrometer machine.

The atmosphere and interactions couldn’t be any more different between Supergirl and Kara Danvers— _but they always talk about Lena Luthor…_

So on a day when Alex has to actually cancel their date, Maggie can’t say that she’s entirely surprised to find Supergirl sitting on the roof of the precinct. And for a while, they just stare out into the city in silence. But Maggie knows that you can only delay the inevitable for so long, so she’s braver than she expects when she speaks.

“So, how’s the bullpen, Kara?”

“Better! Snapper almo—“

And there it is. Supergirl seems to freeze as she realises the trap that she had fallen head first into. Supergirl — _no, Kara Danvers —_ looks up, and meets a knowing look. There’s an quiet awe to her tone as she asks.

“How did you figure it out?”

But Maggie just smiles softly. She runs a tired hand through her hair and just lets it whip around in the wind, basking in the wildness of the moment. Maggie wonders if her countenance betrays the thundering in her heart. Because the truth is that she’s _shaking_. She’s so amazed by the ground-breaking notion that Kara doesn’t seem alarmed at all. Maggie’s so terrified by the understanding that the Danvers siblings clearly don’t have a problem with her knowing any of it — that perhaps, she was always meant to find out. And Maggie takes a moment to close her eyes before answering. She swears to be worthy of that level of love and trust. 

“Kara, even with your ridiculous glasses and cardigan, you still look like yourself.”

Nudging the blonde’s shoulder playfully, Maggie adds.

“You don’t even wear a mask for god’s sake!”

“Well, it seems to be fooling the majority.”

The quiet retort is muttered. And, just like that, seriously returns to the moment and Maggie isn’t sure who the disenchantment is directed to. She thinks that it must be hard and _so jarring_ to be imbued with the knowledge that people are inclined to behave so differently depending on which side of a person they are encountering. Humanity must seem to be a little two-faced.

So Maggie responds as best as she can. 

“Kara people don’t notice because of on of two things…”

Maggie shakes her head slightly.

“..A)  they don’t spend enough time to actually _see_ the real you everyday, because let me tell you something, Kara Danvers, _you_ —are amazing.”

Reaching out to pull a leaf out of the young reporter’s hair, Maggie continues determinedly.

“You’re tough as nails, Kara.. _whether you’re wearing the blue or not…”_

So perhaps some of it gets through, as Kara seems to relax slightly and accept the statement. Maggie lets the moment happen for a minute before finishing, knowing that she’s about to unveil the harsher truth.

“And B) the world doesn’t actually care enough about their heroes. Humanity is inherently selfish in that we crave safety but not the how or the who behind it.”

“Not everyone”

Kara interjects quietly. And while Maggie wonders who in Kara’s life deserves that defence, Maggie can also concede. 

_“No. Not everyone.”_

There’s a lull as they swing their legs against the ledge. On the one hand, Maggie is acutely aware about heights and how many workplace health and safety regulations that they must be breaking but she ignores them all. She figures that if anything happens she’ might just finally get to experience that flying adventure that Alex has described. Eventually though, they’re going to have to confront the other elephant in the room. 

“So, are we going to talk about Miss Tall, Dark and Mysterious?”

And as she asks the question, Maggie has always been all jump in and think last. She’s a little amused as Kara seems to be suddenly shy over the whole affair without the anonymity of the dual identity. But Maggie perseveres. She thinks than now that they’re being honest, that Kara will be able to recognise and reconcile what she clearly already feels. 

“Kara, do you want to know the real reason why I figured all this out?”

“How?”

The superhero looks up in attention and Maggie bites her lip. She tries to be tactful.

“Because you talk about Lena Luthor the same way _— whether you’re Kara Danvers or Supergirl.”_

“And how is that?”

Kara feels the question come out before she can stop it. Maggie turns to look fully into Kara’s eyes.

“Like the tide of all this emotion is taking you over.”

Gesturing into the space, Maggie is strangely certain in her conclusion.

“ _And like you’ve finally discovered what love is_ …”

Kara’s eyes seem to well at the statement. And Maggie really has no idea how to respond when the distressed blonde seems to shake her head to herself.

“Alex can’t know. I’m just not ready yet.”

_“Kara…”_

And Maggie crumbles in sympathy because she thinks that Alex has probably always known. 

//

Months later, it all culminates to the third and present moment, where — Kara is pacing around frantically in front of a composed Alex and an entertained Maggie. The blonde has spent the better part of the last hour blushing and expounding on the importance of trust and honesty. She speaks about how intimacy, _a real connection,_ can’t possibly exist without it. But perhaps most importantly, Kara Zor-El Danvers talks about _finally finding the missing parts of her version of ‘home.’_  

And, somehow their collective world shifts with a five-word admission.

_“I want to tell her.”_

“Why? So you can have sex with her?”

And alright, perhaps Alex’s first response shouldn’t have been a deadpan joke. Maggie reaches over to slap her girlfriend on the upside. She thinks that while Alex has disclosed everything about Lena Luthor and _Katie_ with her — that Alex has also undoubtedly been more reserved and conservative with Kara. For Alex has always been the quietly loving sort. Alex has always been a fierce protector from the sidelines and in the background.  

“Alex! You’re the one who has always told me that I need to be careful.”

Kara is flustered and at a loss as she glares pointedly towards her sister.

“How can you treat it all as if it’s a joke?”

Nothing happens for a while. It’s a standstill as Alex seems to mull over everything. 

“It’s not a joke, Kara. It never will be.”

There’s an intelligent glint in Alex’s eyes as she rubs her forehead in resignation. She has always been all too powerless in the face of Kara’s tears.

“Look, call it a hunch, but whilst I can’t tell you what the truth might mean to your relationship with Lena — I don’t think that she will throw you to the wolves over it.”

With that, Alex reveals a few of her cards, leaving Maggie a little breathless and confused. Glancing between the two siblings she realises that she still hasn’t even begun to understand the depth of their bond. Watching Kara _finally_ return to herself, Maggie would never have been able to  figure out that Kara’s concerns had never been to do with the risks of telling the secret. No. Maggie would have missed the point completely — that Kara had deep orphan fear and vulnerability that the world might not be able to love her as a Kryptonian. 

_That Lena Luthor couldn’t._

And Maggie takes that moment to lighten the atmosphere. She stands and puts an arm around Kara’s shoulders encouragingly.

“Well you know the drill Super Danvers.”

There’s a choked chuckle at the nickname as Kara re-adjusts her glasses.

“Wine, dine and let her know that it’s all going to be fine!”

Maggie continues. She casts a quick glance at Alex, who seems contemplative and already planning the next five steps as to how to react to this change in their lives. Alex remains vigilant as she tries to safeguard Kara. So when, Alex finally looks up to give Maggie a grateful smile, Maggie simply winks kindly before re-directing her attention to Kara. 

She conspires in a whisper.

“And on the off chance that things aren’t fine, trust me, _everyone has unpaid parking tickets._ Even fortune 500 CEO…”

Maggie directs an embarrassed Kara as she talks about _everything being normal down there_ and _that there are books and videos about this sort of thing…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Duh duh duh. Kara's finally going to tell.
> 
> Wonder how Lena's going react.


	11. Discovery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The telling of the secret - both of them!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey mates! Once again thanks for the kind comments. Never ceases to make me happy to see that people are really enjoying my babbling! And I'm always open for inputs or questions so feel free.

The telling of the secret doesn’t happen the very next day or week or month. Because — for as much that Supergirl is brave, confident and fearless; her undoubtedly human tendencies make her cautious and prone to nervous delay.

So instead, at the beginning it’s slow. 

There’s grazes causing electric shocks, as gentle fingers travel down a porcelain cheek. Words are lost in the moment as eye contact is made and mouths go dry. The energy in the air is something tangible that communicates some sort of gravitas, but it’s simply a _not yet, not now._  

In the middle of the night, it’s twisting and turning as Kara wakes to watch Lena’s hard working form until the sun comes up. So she gets up and brings the dark haired women coffee. And as first light hits, Kara is sitting on Lena’s desk offering a second opinion on L.Corp ethics because the king bed just doesn’t feel like home when she’s alone. 

And although the world has no idea the connection that keeps Supergirl bound to Earth, it’s enough as the emotions grow into a feverish pitch. 

Supergirl is unwavering in her defence of Lena Luthor. 

Lena remains in love Kara Danvers.

And Kara? Kara head and heart is given the time to mature as she recalls her attachment to a young girl by the name of Katie, but is so much more taken by the woman she meets in the here and now. Kara learns to let the memory of her childhood heartbreak go. And perhaps it is only when that happens, that she finally trusts in secrets and the telling of them again — that she trusts in the safety of someone beyond the familial or platonic.

 

//

 

It ends up being a Thursday evening that Lena comes home to a candlelit dinner waiting for her. The moon casts a almost ethereal glow as Kara stands at the large windows facing out towards the city. However, what stops the CEO is how the blonde stands — with strong shoulders and a determined jaw.

Lena feels her mind spinning because she thinks that she knows what is about to happen.

And, it _can’t_ happen.

It almost feels like a mirage as this time it’s Supergirl who dons Kara’s disguise. So perhaps Lena’s all desperation and ferocity as she drops her belongings and strides forward. Catching the blonde in surprise, its a passionate diversion of tongue and teeth. There’s hitch of breath and as Kara’s light floral scent blankets the senses and it’s all too easy to forget the logistics of her action. Purpose bleeds into a softer emotion, and Lena’s hands have a mind of their own as they go cradle the blonde’s face. The last resistance is forgone and Lena begins to unbutton the checkered shirt that Kara always seems so fond of.

Lena is aiming for skin, so it is perhaps more of a shock than an ice bucket when she feels it — the material of the super-suit beneath her fingers: soft, complex and _almost_ _everything-proof…_

The CEO is frozen as she is thrown back to her earliest experience with it. She was fourteen, spending her summer break with her brother. Lex had been the definition of excitement as he modelled the prototype. And when she had asked who the armour had been constructed for he had seemed so _certain_ in his answer of _‘a friend.’_

He had been so _wrong_. 

So Kara’s suit gets bunched up beneath the tightening of her grip as Lena hardens. She has a storm in her eyes as she pushes herself away from the blonde and the distance between them becomes far more than the living room. And perhaps Kara has some scrap of self preservation because she pauses in her attempt to follow. Instead, the blonde sits back on the couch and glances down as the blue and gold on her chest. Her hands trace the coat of arms that she has always been so proud of and for the first time, she falters _because of it._

Piercing greens bore into wide blues — and it’s a silent conversation as Kara shrugs out of the shirt completely. 

“ _Why_ Kara?”

Lena’s accusing tone is sharp as it cuts through Kara’s thoughts.

“Why did you have to tell me?”

And the second time the question comes out, it’s just disappointed and strangely broken. Lena, _for once_ , looks nothing like composure as she paces erratically. The CEO loses any semblance of fluidity in her gestures.

“I wanted to be _honest_.”

Kara whispers despondently. 

“I wanted this to be _real_.”

With bright tear-stain eyes, Kara’s is just trying to hold on and sidestep the rapidly building chasm. And it’s enough to cause Lena to soften a little. They’re both so compromised already and she thinks that there must be a way to achieve understanding without the cost of the connection that they’ve managed to built.

So it’s a split second decision as she walks to her desk and holds Kara’s attention. Lena opens the locked box in her drawer and it’s a stack of card stock against school book lined paper that is brought into the light. Over the years, the vibrancy of the blue ballpoint pens have faded but it’s alright because Lena has always memorised the words. She tries to ignore the widening and betrayal that enters the blonde’s eyes as realisation dawns.

“This…”

And throwing the letters across the surface of the coffee table, Lena gestures roughly to the space keeping them apart.

“ _Us…_ We’ve _never been a falsehood Kara!”_

Biting her lip, Lena crumples against the edge of her chair.

_“_ But I’m not —“

And, it’s a struggle to keep the self-deprecating sneer out of her tone.

“— I’m not good, in the way that you are.”

The confession is stark against the quiet and both women are forced to confront the parts of it that they may not want to contemplate. 

“And I don’t know how to grant forgiveness for the things in the past. A part of me still hates Superman for his part in Lex’s spiralling…”

Lena growls to herself, moving to tap her head roughly in distaste. 

“The darkness is always there in my head.”

And it’s a kind warmth that closes around her angry hand, cradling it patiently and bringing it back to her side. Lena is suddenly faced with a trust that she’s still not entirely sure that she deserves as Kara smiles gently. 

“But I believe in you Lena. You won’t hurt me.”

A hoarse laugh escapes the CEO, as she glances sympathetically at the blonde.

“Kara…it’s not really a matter protecting you, but me.”

Leaning towards Kara, Lena lets her hand trace the blonde’s worried features. Part of her shudders, because the wave of warmth that envelops her almost feels like a goodbye.

“Lex lost himself to his feelings towards Superman. What was once good, turned into hate and, s _o much rage.”_

So as Lena works through the phrases and meanings in her mind she also recognises the other truth. That perhaps, this dissolution and barrier was as much of a contingency for her sanity as well as for the security of the greater world. Because — Kara Danvers far too malleable under the current of her emotions. And even now, Lena is still so acutely aware of the manipulations that can be made to cause the blonde to bend and break. Looking at the reflexive flexing of her hands, Lena thinks that it would be far to terrifying to have such power of a being like Kara Zor-El Danvers.

“I’m a Luthor.”

And glaring forward at the well known crest worn on Kara’s chest, she takes a steps back and makes her voice cold. 

“And I don’t know if I can love _her_ …”

//

Alex walks into her front door to find Kara sitting on the couch with crossed arms and a blank stare.

“Lena was Katie.”

The three words are a challenge as Kara raises her head imploringly.

“ _-is Katie._ ”

And maybe there’s a touch of defiance and quiet anger mixed in there too. But in the face of it all, Alex just puts on the coffee and unpacks belongings. Eventually she just turns towards her sister with a sense of knowing and calm. There’s tears in Kara’s eyes and Alex tries to steel herself against that emotion, waiting for the blonde to finish.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

There’s a sense of disbelief to Kara’s countenance as her mind races back to count the omissions and deceptions made to get them this far. She thinks about how Alex had always seemed _so believable_ in her shrugs and ‘I don’t know’s’ about Katie — _Lena_. 

Kara swallows slowly and it terrifies her because either Alex really that good of _liar_ or — Kara, herself is still so naive to all the mannerisms of Earth and that in twenty something years that she still hasn’t learnt enough to keep up.

“It wasn’t relevant.”

“ _How_ was it not relevant?!”

Kara whips her head up at her sister’s easy reply. There’s so many conflicting feelings running through her head, and a negativity rising in heart that seems so alien to her because, this time, it’s directed at _Alex_.

“Kara. You were a _thirteen year old_ on a new planet.” 

Alex shoulders drops as she moves to sit opposite her sister. And as she tries to come up with what to say, all of sudden, she’s more weary than she’s ever been. For Alex never been good with falling short of anyone’s expectations — but, to have _Kara_ be the one to be _disappointed_ in her? That’s a level of failure that Alex feels in her very foundation and her stomach turns at the idea of it.

So she just tries to explain.

“You were having trouble with school, friends and _let’s just face it_ \- activities of daily living!”

She tries to string her memories together until Kara can comprehend it. Because, now that the past and present have collided the moves on this chest board have become limited, and Alex has never managed to be strategic when it come to Kara.

“As much as I _tried_ to help, I had my own baggage to deal with.”

She’s always loved her adopted sister too much.

“And then there was Lena — _Katie_ , who took some of Krypton’s wreckage from you.”

And by the adolescent momentum of trying to help Kara, grow — Alex managed to also teach herself about the things that _matter_. 

“Someone who was your _friend,_ an made you smile like you were normal…”

And in the here and now, Alex thinks that she can stand up, and be proud of the choices that she’s made.

“And all you asked of me was to deliver some letters…”

With that pause, she looks up sharply. Her bangs whip across her face at the motion and in a rare moment the emotions create a wet film in her eyes.

“ _I did._ ” 

Kara stalls at the visage. She finds that when Alex has alway been her best example of raw human emotion - someone who _cares_ that much and can shoulder the responsibility that comes with it. So she finds that she can still be deferent to her sister. Kara can wait for the final addendums that might change the way the truth sounds.

“The fact that she was a Luthor didn’t factor into it. Or — at least, it shouldn’t have.”

“It wouldn’t have. You could have told me.”

The comment escapes before Kara has the chance to stop it.

“Kara! Clark was _your family_. You looked up to him and everything that he’d accomplish on Earth.”

Exasperated _,_ Alex sighs into her hands.

“So if you had known …”

She inhales heavily and almost turns away. 

“If you had known that the girl that you had befriended was the sister of the man who tried to destroy your only living relative…”

And perhaps Kara finally sees some truth in it. But whilst Alex might be right in all the accounts about Lena and Katie, Kara thinks that she needs to correct her sister’s only mistake in logic.

In the end, it’s the most important thing that matters. 

“For the record Alex, _you’re_ my family.”

Because when Alex mentions Clark, she always makes herself small. Alex always ducks her head and sink into herself a little bit. And despite Alex’s forgiveness, Kara still flounders at the thought she might have ever made Alex feel that she was anything less than Clark.  

“I just need some time ok?”

In the face of all this new information, Kara thinks that she can continue to be grateful that Alex has always placed her happiness first. Kara can trust that  — as she learns to love Lena Luthor and now also _Katie_ — that Alex will always be there. 

So Kara gathers her all too brave sister in her arms and whispers an ‘I love you’ before flying away.

//

“Is the honeymoon period finally over?”

Lex’s amused chuckle bounces off the walls of the cave and Lena simply drills her gaze into her brother’s before responding.

“She’s finally told me.”

For a moment, Lex’s brow actually goes up in a mild surprise. Lena thinks that that’s the first real emotion that she’s seen from him in a while before he rallies like he always does, and an impenetrable mask slides into place. 

Lex places his newspaper down and walks over to the prison cell line. And when he’s this close, Lena finds that she has to angle her head up a little to meet his gaze and velvet tones.

“And now that she has — is it still the _girl_ who stands out?

Lena’s not an idiot. She knows what purpose this manoeuvre is engineered to achieve: the power differential.

“Lena, are you finally afraid now?”

But the problem is that Lex has always been compelling — and, as he assumes his full stature and magnetism, _he succeeds like he’s always done before._

“ _Will you yield?”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are about to get shady again!
> 
> It always does when Lex rears his head.
> 
> But it'll be curious how Lena deals now that she can't run from the truth anymore!


	12. Real

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys. Once again thanks for the kind words. This is just a quick one. But I felt like it opens a new perspective to the whole convoluted mess! Let me know what you think?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lena takes some time to understand.

The coming days are spent apart. 

And perhaps, in the current scene, Lena is a little more reticent than she’s ever been. For the first time in her twenty-something years, there’s enough self doubt to challenge the inherent composure that comes with being a Luthor. 

Life is spent in slow motion and she’s lost in each pocket of it. 

Her days are spent worrying, dissenting and childishly _hoping_ the that the world will turn events back around. Because — when this time, the price is the accelerated rhythm of her heart, _she’s only just learning how to run on instinct._

There’s a part of her that wants to escape. Lena wants to call up that laboratory in the south of France and beg for her old position back. And as her hands twitch towards her phone, she thinks that she’s always missed those vineyards and sweeping planes. However the problem is that she’s always been too stubborn. She’s still got that tendency to be swept away by _the girl_ behind the powers that the world believes is magic. 

So, Lena just closes her eyes and somehow, forgetting this connection is the last thing on her mind. It’s quietly terrifying, as she becomes so willing to betray her set codes of conduct to let Kara’s biology slide.  She’s hoping that time will help her feel something new — that her first reaction to the red and blue won’t be to shrink and snarl.  

—

“Avoidance is not a solution to anything.”

Lex’s velvet voice blankets the small space. Lena rolls her shoulders and stares at her constant companion of the last week. She leans back in his loaned cot and sighs tiredly. 

“Have you forgotten father’s lessons already, Lena?”

And it’s those small things, from the warmth in his tone and the kindness to his touch that _hurts_. Because when _Lex_ is the one who volunteers to sleep on the cold stone floor and tucks the covers around her in the middle of the night, Lena thinks that there’s only one person to trust — and it isn’t Kara Zor-El Danvers. 

It isn’t Kara, who stays up and narrates the latest edition of Physics World to send her to sleep. And it most certainly isn’t Supergirl, who still wears a scarred back from an old effort protecting Lena from a hydrochloric acid explosion back when she was ten. 

“I just need a little time to think.”

Dropping her face into her hands, Lena’s suddenly glad that Lex doesn’t have any mirrors around. She can only imagine the story that is painted by smudged mascara, slept in clothes and frazzled hair.

“She’s _good,_ Lex. And not in the way the history books will ascribe. But for the innocence of her thoughts and the strength of her emotions.”

So, in her confused state, she works through the things that she _knows._

“Ego doesn’t play a part in her actions — _I’ve known it since I was thirteen.”_

And somehow, if her brother is still the man that cares about her above all else — he will offer something beyond the suspicion of someone scorned and spurned.

“I’d like to believe that she won’t fall victim to the same mistakes of her cousin.”

Lena whispers as she looks up to meet her brother’s gaze but he’s not by the chess table anymore. In the space of seconds, he’s knelt in front of her with a reassuring hand on her cheek. He softens, and clears away the tears that she didn’t even realise that she was crying.

 And after it all, Lex places his handkerchief in her hands — the one that monogrammed ‘L.L” — _the very same one that he had always insisted was hers… because Lena was a Luthor too._

_“…_ They will never put you first, Lena.”

The statement is gruff as it is almost forced out of his throat.

“In a state of emergency, you will always come second to the crowd.”

And as Lex looks away, there’s a twist to his lips and a tightening of his jaw that says that this is one truth that he’d rather not impart.

“Because for all my indiscretions, I have never wanted that for you Lena…”

So when Lena forces his gaze back to her, she’s confronted with something that scares her more than the concept of aliens. 

As his hands subconsciously move up to cover the horror of his damaged features, _Lex Luthor —_ almost looks _small_ in his heartache. And Lena is always going to flinch at the desperation and challenge to his next question.

_“What really is the value of their love, if everything else take precedence?”_

—

The next time Lena sees Kara is at an L.Corp charity event. The blonde is standing by the food table in her reporter costume, and Lena hates that Kara still looks absolutely charming. It’s nearly the end of the night as the minutes slow and the ballroom comes to life with purposeful piano keys, determined percussion and the soft vocals of rented singers.

Kara has her hand extended in patience and Lena finds herself spun gracefully into a dance position. 

“When I was fourteen year old, I told you about junior prom and Scott Cline..”

Kara’s chest vibrates with each word. Lena keeps her ear to the blonde’s chest, hoping that the thump-thump-thump of a secure heart is enough of a reassurance that they are still more similar than they are different. 

“What I didn’t say was that I thought about _you…_ ”

The steps are easy, practiced and impeccably smooth. The two glide across the floor and lesser partners give way in awe and surprise. They marvel at Lena’s lack of rigidity or restraint. They wonder who the blonde _is,_ to garner such a reaction.

“I wanted to take _you_.”

Kara murmurs as she fluidly directs their figures.  

“I wanted to whisk you away from those girls that you hated. Tie a corsage around your wrist and — tell you that you were beautiful in your dress…”

The blonde is so far from being that awkward, intrepid and endearing reporter that Lena had been so _sure_ about as she spins the CEO into a lift and turn. Lena is held in the air for a moment and it registers that the movement is _too easy for a human of that size._ So when she lands, Lena’s breathless with her hand braced against unyielding chest and she finds herself looking up with wide eyes.

“So I want to say it now Lena.”

Kara is gentle as she moves to cradle the CEO’s unsure limb.

“Thank you for agreeing to this dance, and, I’m still missing a corsage but —”

Placing a kiss to the back of the hand, blonde falls back to an ingrained sense gallantry and the remnants of a royal education.

“— you’re far beyond what my teenage brain could have envisioned.”

She leans their foreheads together.

“Lena you aren’t bound to your family.”

She cups Lena’s jaw reassuringly.

“You won’t destroy the world.”

Kara tightens her hold when Lena tries to pull back.

“And I promise you that you can love us both…”

The blonde presses their lips sweetly together. 

“We’ve _always_ been the same person.”

And it’s only then, that Lena realises that over the course of their dance, that her hand has somehow travelled under the collar of Kara’s crisp white shirt, gripping tightly onto the blue synthetic. Kara tries to hold her stare but inevitably flickers at the sound of approaching sirens in the distance. _That’s when it happens_. In the space of a drawn out moment, Kara’s eyes focus, her stance straightens and there’s a proud jut to her chin. 

Between Kara and Supergirl, Lena hardly knows who the wolf and who the sheepskin is. It’s almost a visceral reaction as Lena pushes the blonde away, because — Lena has spent so much time separating the two personalities in her mind that the single entity in front of her feels too much like a lie. And in the end, she’s not sure what’s worst, that Kara was so good at hiding it, _or that the blonde even tried to at all…_

The alarms grow louder and as the emergency vehicles race past the building, the possibility of an resolution is dissipates. 

“I’m sorry.”

Kara begins. At this point, she knows better than to reach out and so swallowing the painful lump in her throat, she gestures helplessly to the disaster in the distance.

“I have to…”

Its a three car pile-up and an armed gunmen that only _she_ can see. 

And Lena is perhaps a little to cold when she speaks.

“By all means, Supergirl… _”_

Lena’s mind flashes back to her conversation with Lex. She thinks about the emotion that might have approximated to shame as he tried to hide his scars — and suddenly, the venom is easier to find. 

_“Leave.”_

—

Later, when Lena is watching the night’s newscast on mute she’ll ruminate on one thing. That the current scene feels like a test. A single moment of suspension where Kara is already in the air with an outstretched hand, _waiting for Lena to join her in the leap_. And Lena is frozen. She stops herself each time because the difference of the matter is that Kara can _fly._

Whereas, _Lena_ , with the weight of family transgressions on her shoulders — thinks that she might drown as soon as she hits the water.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So close! Yet so far.
> 
> Poor Lex. He's not so bad right? 
> 
> I've always like the saying that everyone's a villain in someone else's story

**Author's Note:**

> And so it begins!


End file.
